Tomorrow I'm going to embark on a lifestyle that I have previously resisted with a fury. I'm going on a low-carb diet. Actually let me rephrase that since I hate the word diet. I'm going on a low-carb lifestyle. I'm kind of excited about it right now but I'm sure my tummy and my brain will be feeling otherwise by tomorrow afternoon. I decided to try this because prior to a couple of weeks ago, I have been working my butt off working out and 'mostly' eating the right things, and I haven't seen much results. I looked at a typical menu for my day and realized that between the bran cereal for breakfast, fruit and fiber one bars for snack, sandwich for lunch and meat and carbs for dinner....I was having A LOT of carbs/sugar in my day.
Now I want to see some serious results. I'm giving myself 2 months on this to see how I do. During that time I will track what I eat and my exercise also. I also want to take pictures along the way. I really hope that this is something that I can stick with. Because I really do need something to work for me. I may be visiting one of my friends and my mom in August and I really want to be thinner than when I've seen them last.
My typical menu will look something like this:
Breakfast: Omlette and maybe a slice or two of turkey bacon
Snack: strawberries and 1/2 serving of almonds
Lunch: turkey on 1 slice of pumpernickel bread, 1 cup of salad with vinegar
Snack: apple and 1/2 serving of almonds
Dinner: chicken or porkchop with salad, broccoli or some other kind of veggie
Snack (if need be): Stawberry smoothie (strawberries, 1/2 cup of milk, ice, splenda)
So far the only things that excite me from this menu is the 1/2 sandwich and the smoothie. LOL
Good luck to me!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Back to the Grind
It's been way too long since I posted. I can't post at work anymore or read any blogs because the fun suckers blocked blogs about a month ago. Probably because of me. Whatever. So because it's late and I should get to bed, I'm going to post what I emailed myself last week (and didn't have time/forgot to post). I was having a particularly bad day. I'm over it now. Tomorrow (hopefully) I will be a good girl and post about my boring life.
Ok never mind. It's not letting me paste. WTF?
Whatever.
Ok never mind. It's not letting me paste. WTF?
Whatever.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Random Act of Sensitivity
I experienced a totally random act of over-sensitivity the other day at work that is still bothering me. Normally I'm not one to hold grudges but I am really pissed off and I don't think it's going to go away any time soon.
I was pretty cool with the other woman in my office, AC. I kind of had to be, we rely on each other since we are responsible for answering our bosses phones and so we have to coordinate our vacation schedules and days off with each other so we can always have office coverage (gag).
Before I get into the random act, I have to say that I have some built up hostility over my work situation. I'm constantly being left alone because AC has taken on a new role which takes her out of the Admin role and puts her into a project management role. The part I'm pissed about is the fact that most of the time, I'm always left alone in the office. She's either on vacation, in meetings or when she IS in, she's out wandering and being a social butterfly. Needless to say, I'm left there by myself, having to find coverage or just leave the phone when I have to do something such as going pee. It's annoying, frustrating and makes me unmotivated to go to work. I'm not angry at her, it's part of her job....it's frustrating though that they can't fill the other secretary position that's supposed to be there. It would be a great relief. But they have no intentions of filling it, so for now I have to suck it up and smile.
Anyway last Wednesday AC came into the office, and she was late. That's not unusual. But she's there for a few minutes and starts acting dramatic. Announcing over and over again that she had a headache. Then she would lay her head on the desk. Lift it up and make sure she said again that her head hurt. Then came the claims of nausea. Finally she picked her head up off the desk and said she was going home. Naturally I was annoyed. This was the first week in a very long time that she was in the office all day for the full 5 days. Guess not. The next day I come in and we get a very brief email that she's not feeling well and won't be in. I was enraged but really what could I say? She wasn't feeling well and I couldn't fault her for that.
Friday rolls around and she comes in, super chipper and says good morning. I was busy for a change, but I did say good morning. She goes into one of our bosses office and my boss asked her how she was feeling. She said she felt better, she was fatigued and she really needed rest. I didn't really think much of it other than it must be nice to be able to rest for a couple of days when you're tired.
So I'm making copies of something, and answering the phones at the same time and I take a call for my boss. After I transferred it, AC comes out of the office and says "I'm doing fine, thank you for asking" HUH? I looked at her with an incredulous look on my face and say "What are you talking about?" She proceeds to tell me that when she walked in to the office, I didn't even bother to ask her how she was feeling or anything. I told her that I said good morning to her but that I was busy. She says "Busy? yeah right."
Oh no you didn't.
That pissed me off. I said something that probably sparked the rest of the confrontation, but I'm glad I said it. I said "For someone who was just off the last couple of days, you sure are in a bad mood" She didn't like that at all. Basically the rest of the conversation was her continuing to bitch that I didn't do anything to see if she was feeling better, and me saying that I'm not having this conversation with her and that I was leaving early.
It sounds very trivial and stupid when I type it out or even talk about it. But I don't know what her fucking problem was and why she felt the need to confront me about something so stupid. Honestly her making a huge deal about it makes me believe that she wasn't "sick". But she wanted to make sure to act as dramatic as possible so that it's ok that she was out. Her facial expressions and the way she talked to me was uncalled for (also calling me paranoid....bitch!) and honestly I don't feel like our relationship will be the same. I don't want it to be either.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm going there to earn a paycheck and that's it. She's not getting much conversation from me and she's sure as hell not going to get me to coddle her no matter how much she bitches about it. She can go pound salt! hehe
I was pretty cool with the other woman in my office, AC. I kind of had to be, we rely on each other since we are responsible for answering our bosses phones and so we have to coordinate our vacation schedules and days off with each other so we can always have office coverage (gag).
Before I get into the random act, I have to say that I have some built up hostility over my work situation. I'm constantly being left alone because AC has taken on a new role which takes her out of the Admin role and puts her into a project management role. The part I'm pissed about is the fact that most of the time, I'm always left alone in the office. She's either on vacation, in meetings or when she IS in, she's out wandering and being a social butterfly. Needless to say, I'm left there by myself, having to find coverage or just leave the phone when I have to do something such as going pee. It's annoying, frustrating and makes me unmotivated to go to work. I'm not angry at her, it's part of her job....it's frustrating though that they can't fill the other secretary position that's supposed to be there. It would be a great relief. But they have no intentions of filling it, so for now I have to suck it up and smile.
Anyway last Wednesday AC came into the office, and she was late. That's not unusual. But she's there for a few minutes and starts acting dramatic. Announcing over and over again that she had a headache. Then she would lay her head on the desk. Lift it up and make sure she said again that her head hurt. Then came the claims of nausea. Finally she picked her head up off the desk and said she was going home. Naturally I was annoyed. This was the first week in a very long time that she was in the office all day for the full 5 days. Guess not. The next day I come in and we get a very brief email that she's not feeling well and won't be in. I was enraged but really what could I say? She wasn't feeling well and I couldn't fault her for that.
Friday rolls around and she comes in, super chipper and says good morning. I was busy for a change, but I did say good morning. She goes into one of our bosses office and my boss asked her how she was feeling. She said she felt better, she was fatigued and she really needed rest. I didn't really think much of it other than it must be nice to be able to rest for a couple of days when you're tired.
So I'm making copies of something, and answering the phones at the same time and I take a call for my boss. After I transferred it, AC comes out of the office and says "I'm doing fine, thank you for asking" HUH? I looked at her with an incredulous look on my face and say "What are you talking about?" She proceeds to tell me that when she walked in to the office, I didn't even bother to ask her how she was feeling or anything. I told her that I said good morning to her but that I was busy. She says "Busy? yeah right."
Oh no you didn't.
That pissed me off. I said something that probably sparked the rest of the confrontation, but I'm glad I said it. I said "For someone who was just off the last couple of days, you sure are in a bad mood" She didn't like that at all. Basically the rest of the conversation was her continuing to bitch that I didn't do anything to see if she was feeling better, and me saying that I'm not having this conversation with her and that I was leaving early.
It sounds very trivial and stupid when I type it out or even talk about it. But I don't know what her fucking problem was and why she felt the need to confront me about something so stupid. Honestly her making a huge deal about it makes me believe that she wasn't "sick". But she wanted to make sure to act as dramatic as possible so that it's ok that she was out. Her facial expressions and the way she talked to me was uncalled for (also calling me paranoid....bitch!) and honestly I don't feel like our relationship will be the same. I don't want it to be either.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm going there to earn a paycheck and that's it. She's not getting much conversation from me and she's sure as hell not going to get me to coddle her no matter how much she bitches about it. She can go pound salt! hehe
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Myspace funnies
It's been too long since I've written. I don't get to blog at work anymore because they are fun suckers that blocked all blogs and blogging programs. I had an entire bitch session blog all typed out but I've been too busy to even paste it on here.
So here I am. I was just on myspace and I must say that is a funny place to be. Sometimes in a funny "haha" way. Sometimes not.
So there's this guy on there that apparently is in love with the Hooters restaurant chain. Because every few weeks or so, he posts pictures that he takes with the Hooters girls. Nobody comments on them but he still posts them. I'm wondering if he posts them to make himself look cool. He's almost 50 and he really is a nice person, I know this because I've exchanged conversation with him. But really....what's with all the hooter pics, come on! Eh, whatever floats your boat...who am I to judge anyway?
Next was the guy that IMed me this morning. I don't know what is wrong with me, but men irritate me these days and I have no tolerance. The guy IMs me and it starts out innocent enough. He asks me how I'm doing and how my day is going, which is a refreshing change from the "Your sexy" opening line. I told him I was good and asked him how he was doing and he took that opportunity to tell me how he wasn't so good and he couldn't wait to get out of Georgia because people are so judgmental. I didn't even get a chance to ask him why (I really didn't want to ask him why either but I'm a courteous person) when he tells me that his wife died and his family doesn't like his parenting skills and he just wants to go somewhere away from everyone so he can raise his kids in peace. Wow. TMI for the first minute that you've never talked to me. My short answers to him after that most likely indicated to him that he probably shouldn't have gone there right away because he tried changing the subject. But it was too late. He already ruined things. Why can't I meet someone normal?
Am I even open to meeting anyone? It doesn't seem like it....otherwise I would give people a chance instead of finding things that irritate me about them.
So here I am. I was just on myspace and I must say that is a funny place to be. Sometimes in a funny "haha" way. Sometimes not.
So there's this guy on there that apparently is in love with the Hooters restaurant chain. Because every few weeks or so, he posts pictures that he takes with the Hooters girls. Nobody comments on them but he still posts them. I'm wondering if he posts them to make himself look cool. He's almost 50 and he really is a nice person, I know this because I've exchanged conversation with him. But really....what's with all the hooter pics, come on! Eh, whatever floats your boat...who am I to judge anyway?
Next was the guy that IMed me this morning. I don't know what is wrong with me, but men irritate me these days and I have no tolerance. The guy IMs me and it starts out innocent enough. He asks me how I'm doing and how my day is going, which is a refreshing change from the "Your sexy" opening line. I told him I was good and asked him how he was doing and he took that opportunity to tell me how he wasn't so good and he couldn't wait to get out of Georgia because people are so judgmental. I didn't even get a chance to ask him why (I really didn't want to ask him why either but I'm a courteous person) when he tells me that his wife died and his family doesn't like his parenting skills and he just wants to go somewhere away from everyone so he can raise his kids in peace. Wow. TMI for the first minute that you've never talked to me. My short answers to him after that most likely indicated to him that he probably shouldn't have gone there right away because he tried changing the subject. But it was too late. He already ruined things. Why can't I meet someone normal?
Am I even open to meeting anyone? It doesn't seem like it....otherwise I would give people a chance instead of finding things that irritate me about them.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
The Time of My Life
I went to New Hampshire yesterday to see my all time favorite lead singer, Bret Michaels. I had the time of my life! My two girlfriends and I took the day off and set out on our 4 hour drive yesterday morning. I couldn't wait to get there, even though I knew I had a long time of standing around and waiting ahead of me. Bret Michaels is SO worth it. I hoped to get there early afternoon so I could grab spot #1 outside and camp there for the day. We ended up leaving around 11 and got there about 3:00. There was about 15-20 ahead of us and I was ok with that.
We met some really cool people in line also. Everyone was genuinely surprised that we would travel from New York just to see the show. Why not???? It was finally time to go in and much to my pleasure, we got right up front. There was only one group of girls in front of us but I parked myself right in front of Bret's microphone stand.
I never thought I would be one of these types of fans, but when I realized how close to "the man" I would be, I almost felt like I wanted to cry. I was SO excited. Anyway the first band, Resin, was actually pretty good. There songs kind of stuck with me, they had a nice melody. The lead singer was pretty easy on the eyes too.
But he's nowhere near as good looking as Bret Michaels. That man is BEE-YOU-TEE-FUL!
The only thing I would change about the night is that I would have loved to stick around and meet him afterwards and get a picture with him. But I was so dehydrated and we were tired from the ride. From previous experience I knew it would take at least an hour or so before they came out, and then another hour to get through the group of people that was waiting around for him so we decided to leave.
Needless to say I will be looking to see what other shows might be close enough for me to go to! I think I'm becoming a groupie. :o)
We met some really cool people in line also. Everyone was genuinely surprised that we would travel from New York just to see the show. Why not???? It was finally time to go in and much to my pleasure, we got right up front. There was only one group of girls in front of us but I parked myself right in front of Bret's microphone stand.
I never thought I would be one of these types of fans, but when I realized how close to "the man" I would be, I almost felt like I wanted to cry. I was SO excited. Anyway the first band, Resin, was actually pretty good. There songs kind of stuck with me, they had a nice melody. The lead singer was pretty easy on the eyes too.
But he's nowhere near as good looking as Bret Michaels. That man is BEE-YOU-TEE-FUL!
But the best part of the show was when Bret kept looking at me and pointing at me. One of the times he looked at me I told him I loved him (LOL) and I'm sure he hears that all the time but when he saw me yell it to him, he got this huge smile. I was in heaven.
The only thing I would change about the night is that I would have loved to stick around and meet him afterwards and get a picture with him. But I was so dehydrated and we were tired from the ride. From previous experience I knew it would take at least an hour or so before they came out, and then another hour to get through the group of people that was waiting around for him so we decided to leave.
Needless to say I will be looking to see what other shows might be close enough for me to go to! I think I'm becoming a groupie. :o)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Too much to ask?
I've been wanting to write for a week but I've been so busy with school and other stuff, I haven't given myself the time to write. Officially school is over tomorrow. I still have a Quiz and a final project for Visual Basic to finish. I have a 20 page paper for a lit. class and I haven't started it or read anything I need for it. Ouch. I have an extension on both. Not very long but it's better than nothing.
Tomorrow the girls and I are headed to NH to see Bret Michaels again. I'm excited to do the road trip, excited to see his Sexxiness again and just to be off work and away from here. It's a nice distraction.
I fell in to McSouthern's trap again. He always manages to find a way to lure me in. Then I get comfortable with him and then he changes things again. He has a habit of being all over me for a couple weeks and then not bothering me the next. It's getting old. I just want someone for me. Someone who adores me. Is that so much to ask?
I will not let him get me down. No sir!
Tomorrow the girls and I are headed to NH to see Bret Michaels again. I'm excited to do the road trip, excited to see his Sexxiness again and just to be off work and away from here. It's a nice distraction.
I fell in to McSouthern's trap again. He always manages to find a way to lure me in. Then I get comfortable with him and then he changes things again. He has a habit of being all over me for a couple weeks and then not bothering me the next. It's getting old. I just want someone for me. Someone who adores me. Is that so much to ask?
I will not let him get me down. No sir!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To...
Today I'm hosting my very own pity party, complete with cussing, ranting, venting, mockery, sarcasm and childish tantrums. When I'm done, I will snap out of it. But now it's time to PARTY.
I suck. I suck at school work because I'm a lazy ass who puts my work off until the last minute, and then when the last minute rolls around I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get everything done, doing it half-assed and wondering why I waited so long. Why did I wait so long anyway? Truth be told, I hate school. I work all day and I have a child. I resent having to take my free time reading stuff I don't want to read, and then writing papers about the shit that I don't want to read. I want to do other things....anything. Just not school work. Often times lately I thought, "what am I doing this for anyway?" The economy fucking sucks.....20 somethings fresh out of college can barely find jobs, what makes me think I'm going to be so special? Oh yeah plus I'm putting myself in more debt. Just what I need. But I can't stop now......well, I shouldn't anyway.
I suck at losing weight. I am working my ass off. I have been going to the gym every day, now switching it up until mornings. Up until this week, there was no way I could get out of bed to go to the gym. But thanks to my friend A, we have been motivating each other to wake up. So I'm burning tons of calories and I'm eating way better than I used to eat. Not perfect....but much, much better. I step on the scale this morning, I haven't lost anything this week. What the fuck? Yes there were a couple of times that I didn't do great, but it could have been worse. Yesterday I did eat more than usual, so I'm hoping that is why I didn't see a loss. This upcoming week I'm doing an experiment. I'm staying within a certain amount of calories, no junk and making sure I work out every day, just to see if I lose. If I don't, then I'm throwing my hands in the air and saying Fuck it! I will embrace my fatness and be happy eating what I want. Or fake being happy, either/or.
I'm hungry today and it won't go away. Not after the bowl of cereal I ate for breakfast, or the 1/2 cup pineapple I ate for snack, or the ham sandwich that I ate for lunch......an hour early......and I'm still hungry. I haven't been hungry like this in a while! I don't like it. It kind of hinders the whole weight loss thing. I'm annoyed. I want to eat what I want.
Needy Nate has calmed down on the texts and calls. In fact he left me alone for the most part the last two days, only sending me an email Tuesday night asking me how my day was and how my homework was coming. I also got an email this morning asking me if I'm ok. Am I ok???? Why? Because you didn't hear from me? What the fuck dude....you don't know me well enough to even care if I'm ok so what the fuck? I know I should type him an email letting him know I'm not in to this, I just have to think of what to say. Or just ignore, I don't know and don't care right now. He ruined it with his needy ways!!! I want to tell him to PISS OFF!
I will never again in my life suffocate someone via text & email.
One cool thing. Angelina Jolie and crew are here for the next couple of weeks shooting some scenes for a new movie she's doing called "Salt" They are doing car chase scenes on the bridges here right near where I work. The good part: I can see if from where I'm working. Bad part: My exit to get to work will be closed. Fun but what the fuck?
Oh one other thing......my bosses have had less meetings lately, which means they are here more. Which means I can't do whatever I want and have to pretend to be busy, look busy even when I'm not. I am lucky to have a job, yes. But fuck, sometimes I'm so bored I can't stand it.
Ok I'm done now.
I suck. I suck at school work because I'm a lazy ass who puts my work off until the last minute, and then when the last minute rolls around I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get everything done, doing it half-assed and wondering why I waited so long. Why did I wait so long anyway? Truth be told, I hate school. I work all day and I have a child. I resent having to take my free time reading stuff I don't want to read, and then writing papers about the shit that I don't want to read. I want to do other things....anything. Just not school work. Often times lately I thought, "what am I doing this for anyway?" The economy fucking sucks.....20 somethings fresh out of college can barely find jobs, what makes me think I'm going to be so special? Oh yeah plus I'm putting myself in more debt. Just what I need. But I can't stop now......well, I shouldn't anyway.
I suck at losing weight. I am working my ass off. I have been going to the gym every day, now switching it up until mornings. Up until this week, there was no way I could get out of bed to go to the gym. But thanks to my friend A, we have been motivating each other to wake up. So I'm burning tons of calories and I'm eating way better than I used to eat. Not perfect....but much, much better. I step on the scale this morning, I haven't lost anything this week. What the fuck? Yes there were a couple of times that I didn't do great, but it could have been worse. Yesterday I did eat more than usual, so I'm hoping that is why I didn't see a loss. This upcoming week I'm doing an experiment. I'm staying within a certain amount of calories, no junk and making sure I work out every day, just to see if I lose. If I don't, then I'm throwing my hands in the air and saying Fuck it! I will embrace my fatness and be happy eating what I want. Or fake being happy, either/or.
I'm hungry today and it won't go away. Not after the bowl of cereal I ate for breakfast, or the 1/2 cup pineapple I ate for snack, or the ham sandwich that I ate for lunch......an hour early......and I'm still hungry. I haven't been hungry like this in a while! I don't like it. It kind of hinders the whole weight loss thing. I'm annoyed. I want to eat what I want.
Needy Nate has calmed down on the texts and calls. In fact he left me alone for the most part the last two days, only sending me an email Tuesday night asking me how my day was and how my homework was coming. I also got an email this morning asking me if I'm ok. Am I ok???? Why? Because you didn't hear from me? What the fuck dude....you don't know me well enough to even care if I'm ok so what the fuck? I know I should type him an email letting him know I'm not in to this, I just have to think of what to say. Or just ignore, I don't know and don't care right now. He ruined it with his needy ways!!! I want to tell him to PISS OFF!
I will never again in my life suffocate someone via text & email.
One cool thing. Angelina Jolie and crew are here for the next couple of weeks shooting some scenes for a new movie she's doing called "Salt" They are doing car chase scenes on the bridges here right near where I work. The good part: I can see if from where I'm working. Bad part: My exit to get to work will be closed. Fun but what the fuck?
Oh one other thing......my bosses have had less meetings lately, which means they are here more. Which means I can't do whatever I want and have to pretend to be busy, look busy even when I'm not. I am lucky to have a job, yes. But fuck, sometimes I'm so bored I can't stand it.
Ok I'm done now.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Yeah, follow your instincts!
Let's see.....8 emails and 12 texts later (all ignored) I haven't talked to the new guy since the day before yesterday, and that was only a response to his text saying I was at work and couldn't text (which he responded by sending me FOUR more texts....sheesh!) So this was a really good experience for me. Because I know with McS I had some of the same tendencies. The big difference though is that we were in a relationship, where as I barely knew the new guy. But I remember times that I would call McS and if I didn't hear from him within the hour, I would call him again. And then again....and then maybe send him a couple of texts.
WTF....I really did that? I realize now how annoying as hell that must have been. Obviously if a person wanted to talk, they would return the call right? Anyway this was a real eye opener and I will never, ever do the things I've done again in any relationships. I'm sure I'll find some other way to annoy the one I'm with, but that won't be one of the ways. :)
WTF....I really did that? I realize now how annoying as hell that must have been. Obviously if a person wanted to talk, they would return the call right? Anyway this was a real eye opener and I will never, ever do the things I've done again in any relationships. I'm sure I'll find some other way to annoy the one I'm with, but that won't be one of the ways. :)
Monday, April 20, 2009
So There's This Guy...
I recently started talking to a new guy. He's long distance (because I can never do anything simple like be with someone local who's emotionally available!) and I connected with him online. At first he kind of annoyed me because he would email me and then if he didn't hear from me within a few hours, he would email me back and ask if I was ok. Or he would apologize if he said anything to offend me. To me it felt like a bit much....but at the same time, didn't I want attention?
The other night I was in a mood and feeling kind of lonely, so I called him. He actually turned out to be very funny. We had a good conversation and the questions came up about our exes and why we were single. I told him about McS and he asked me if I was still in love with him. I lied and said no. But I still am. I'm ok with talking to other guys while I still feel something for him, because maybe I will find someone that will help me get over my feelings.
There are things about new guy that raise some red flags. What I just mentioned about him basically being up my ass, but also I get the feeling that he's someone that thinks a lot and maybe assumes things or comes up with scenarios as to why things are happening the way they are. Like he noticed that my emails to him usually came at the lunch or dinner hour and he wondered if maybe it was because I was really married and that was the only time I could get away to email him.
Huh?
Anyway so I'm keeping my eyes open with this one. If I'm seeing red flags now maybe that's a sign. Part of me wonders if it's just me. When I was with McS, there were times that he obviously didn't answer the phone because he didn't feel like talking to me. Or we would talk about getting together and he would always make a big deal about it, it was never yes. He always had to "see what was going on" in his life. These are the things that made me feel unwanted and honestly like I annoyed him. Now I'm getting the same type of feelings with new guy. When he texts me I look at the phone, see it's from him and honestly don't feel like texting him back. Or when he calls, sometimes I don't feel like picking up.
GASP! Is this what a normal person does? Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this will teach me self control and that I can make myself unavailable (and at the same time, all that more appealing!!) and things will be ok.
I don't know, it's just weird being on this end of it. A good weird.
Other than that, I'm crazy busy finishing up my work for the semester that ends May 1st. I can't wait for it to be over!
The other night I was in a mood and feeling kind of lonely, so I called him. He actually turned out to be very funny. We had a good conversation and the questions came up about our exes and why we were single. I told him about McS and he asked me if I was still in love with him. I lied and said no. But I still am. I'm ok with talking to other guys while I still feel something for him, because maybe I will find someone that will help me get over my feelings.
There are things about new guy that raise some red flags. What I just mentioned about him basically being up my ass, but also I get the feeling that he's someone that thinks a lot and maybe assumes things or comes up with scenarios as to why things are happening the way they are. Like he noticed that my emails to him usually came at the lunch or dinner hour and he wondered if maybe it was because I was really married and that was the only time I could get away to email him.
Huh?
Anyway so I'm keeping my eyes open with this one. If I'm seeing red flags now maybe that's a sign. Part of me wonders if it's just me. When I was with McS, there were times that he obviously didn't answer the phone because he didn't feel like talking to me. Or we would talk about getting together and he would always make a big deal about it, it was never yes. He always had to "see what was going on" in his life. These are the things that made me feel unwanted and honestly like I annoyed him. Now I'm getting the same type of feelings with new guy. When he texts me I look at the phone, see it's from him and honestly don't feel like texting him back. Or when he calls, sometimes I don't feel like picking up.
GASP! Is this what a normal person does? Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this will teach me self control and that I can make myself unavailable (and at the same time, all that more appealing!!) and things will be ok.
I don't know, it's just weird being on this end of it. A good weird.
Other than that, I'm crazy busy finishing up my work for the semester that ends May 1st. I can't wait for it to be over!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Let's Play a Game called "Procrastination"
I like to play that game because apparently I'm good at it. Like right now....I should be doing homework since the semester is dangerously close to being over and I'm not even half way through some of the work for my classes. But instead I'm here, writing a blog about procrastinating, or on myspace which is boring anyway, or staring into space thinking about how much work I have to do. I'm kind of over the homework thing! I'll probably be cramming all weekend when it's gorgeous out. That will teach me (though probably not!)
I had my step class tonight and I am worn out again. I remember the days when I was much lighter and I was doing "double time" in class with the fancy moves that made it extra fun. Now I stick to the basics, watch the clock and suffer through the backache I get. Don't get me wrong, I still love it. It gives me an awesome workout and it's fun. It will just be more fun when I have less weight to hoist on and off the step repeatedly.
So between work, working out and mommying, I don't have much else going on right now. I'm excited to go to NH at the end of the month with my two girlfriends to see Bret Michaels again. We decided to get a hotel room instead of trying to make the 4 hour trip home afterwards. That will make it even better. I think I'm looking forward to the experience just as much as seeing that yummy man on stage.
I'm getting tired and distracted now. Maybe I have ADD. Anyway I have to go find something else besides homework to do.
I had my step class tonight and I am worn out again. I remember the days when I was much lighter and I was doing "double time" in class with the fancy moves that made it extra fun. Now I stick to the basics, watch the clock and suffer through the backache I get. Don't get me wrong, I still love it. It gives me an awesome workout and it's fun. It will just be more fun when I have less weight to hoist on and off the step repeatedly.
So between work, working out and mommying, I don't have much else going on right now. I'm excited to go to NH at the end of the month with my two girlfriends to see Bret Michaels again. We decided to get a hotel room instead of trying to make the 4 hour trip home afterwards. That will make it even better. I think I'm looking forward to the experience just as much as seeing that yummy man on stage.
I'm getting tired and distracted now. Maybe I have ADD. Anyway I have to go find something else besides homework to do.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Short but Sweet!
It's been too long since I've written! First I was avoiding coming here because I thought I should write about how McS did a complete turnaround, but then I was embarassed of myself because I let him in my life and I didn't really have any words for it. I do have words for it now but I'll have to try to write at work tomorrow because I'm crazy tired from working out, and I have homework to do.
It's crunch time again for school, the semester is ending in a month and I have a ton to do. I always wait until the last minute, I don't know why. Then the thought of school work consumes me. It's a vicious cycle!
It's crunch time again for school, the semester is ending in a month and I have a ton to do. I always wait until the last minute, I don't know why. Then the thought of school work consumes me. It's a vicious cycle!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
My Second Chance!
My two girlfriends and I decided to take a road trip on May 1st to New Hampshire.....to see Bret Michaels again!! Does that qualify me as a groupie? LOL As good of an attitude I had about what happened with my stupid shoes the other night, inside I felt a little bit bummed. So I started surfing to see if he was playing close and NH is it. It's about a 3 hour drive so we're all taking the day off and making a road trip out of it. I'm excited!!
It's almost time to get out of work, thank goodness! Although today wasn't a long day. I'm looking forward to my step aerobics class tonight even though after last Tuesday's class, I was sore and weak for the rest of the week. LOL Still it's a lot of fun and I managed to get my friend another guest pass so she can suffer with me. :o)
It was confirmed today that we will not be getting our yearly increment raises at work. At least not the group I belong to (I work for the state). It was decided that in lieu of layoffs, we could do without them. Which I can understand, I guess. I have job security though, so a raise would have been nice. But I'm actually keeping a pretty good attitude about it. I mean I know what my salary is and what I can spend. It's not like I'll be making any LESS money, just the same amount. Then some day I'll get a big fat retroactive check and will be very happy. So while some people are ticked about it, I'm really not. Slightly disappointed but I'm handling it like a champ.
It's almost time to get out of work, thank goodness! Although today wasn't a long day. I'm looking forward to my step aerobics class tonight even though after last Tuesday's class, I was sore and weak for the rest of the week. LOL Still it's a lot of fun and I managed to get my friend another guest pass so she can suffer with me. :o)
It was confirmed today that we will not be getting our yearly increment raises at work. At least not the group I belong to (I work for the state). It was decided that in lieu of layoffs, we could do without them. Which I can understand, I guess. I have job security though, so a raise would have been nice. But I'm actually keeping a pretty good attitude about it. I mean I know what my salary is and what I can spend. It's not like I'll be making any LESS money, just the same amount. Then some day I'll get a big fat retroactive check and will be very happy. So while some people are ticked about it, I'm really not. Slightly disappointed but I'm handling it like a champ.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
My Rock of Love....and Big John too!
Last night I went to see the Bret Michaels band at a local bar. It was the best and most disappointing experience! It was the best because it was Bret Michaels...hello! His show was awesome and he played some Poison songs and it was great to be able to be close enough to actually see him, his facial expressions and that sexy body gliding all over stage....LOL
The show was awesome, the place was just big enough for a crowd but yet intimate affair. The people were cool, some were drunk and entertaining, some were young with stars in their eyes and some were older, dressing like they were younger and looking like groupies. It was all what I remember from back in the day!
It was disappointing because I'm the idiot that wore the wrong shoes. First I'll say that I thought the doors opened at 6:30 or 7:00. So we got there around 6:00 and stood in the line, waiting to get in. They didn't actually open the doors until almost 8:00 which would have been ok, except it was windy and freezing. I didn't mind that, I was excited and couldn't wait to get in and get the show started.
Then I realized there was another band opening up for Bret Michaels band, but it was cool because I got to see how close I would be to the man himself. I was pretty damn close....if there were rows, I would have been 4th row.
Not too shabby for $37. The problem was, as they made us wait for the band to start, my feet started hurting. They got worse by the second. So when the opening act was playing, I started to feel like my feet were going to catch on fire. Actually I was waiting for them to go numb so I could actually enjoy the show. But they never did go numb. The band played on and on....and on. Then I was actually getting irritated that they were going on so long, but that stemmed from the intense pain. The band FINALLY ends and I thought, cool. When Bret Micahels goes on I will forget all about my suffering and have a good time.
So they cleared the stage and started setting up for him and then some guy comes on and announces that it will be another 20 minutes before Bret comes on. At that very moment, a wave of nausea overtook me. I think it was either the pain or the fact that everyone started crowding in and pushing up against everyone to get closer. I was basically getting ass raped. Right at that moment, I knew I couldn't wait 20 minutes, much less the whole show. So I told my friend I had to go to the back and sit down. I told her to stay up there, I did not want her to miss out on that experience on the account of my foolish wardrobe choices!
I started to feel a little bit bummed but I decided to stay positive about it. I was still there to see my man and I was determined to have a good time, so I did. I had a couple of beers, sang along with all the songs and really enjoyed myself.
I will never ever wear boots of any kind again when going to a show. I thought wearing sneakers would look silly but many people did (except for the ones who dressed as though they had a date with Bret Michaels after the show! LOL) and that's what I'm going to do. This morning I feel like part of me gipped myself of the experience. So I got online to see if they were playing anywhere close again. I see that they are in NH on May 1st. I looked up the driving directions and that's only a few hours away. I'm thinking ROAD TRIP!! :O)
It was also a great experience because I got to meet "Big John" from the show, he's Bret's road manager/body guard (I think) from the show. He was VERY COOL!
The show was awesome, the place was just big enough for a crowd but yet intimate affair. The people were cool, some were drunk and entertaining, some were young with stars in their eyes and some were older, dressing like they were younger and looking like groupies. It was all what I remember from back in the day!
It was disappointing because I'm the idiot that wore the wrong shoes. First I'll say that I thought the doors opened at 6:30 or 7:00. So we got there around 6:00 and stood in the line, waiting to get in. They didn't actually open the doors until almost 8:00 which would have been ok, except it was windy and freezing. I didn't mind that, I was excited and couldn't wait to get in and get the show started.
Then I realized there was another band opening up for Bret Michaels band, but it was cool because I got to see how close I would be to the man himself. I was pretty damn close....if there were rows, I would have been 4th row.
Not too shabby for $37. The problem was, as they made us wait for the band to start, my feet started hurting. They got worse by the second. So when the opening act was playing, I started to feel like my feet were going to catch on fire. Actually I was waiting for them to go numb so I could actually enjoy the show. But they never did go numb. The band played on and on....and on. Then I was actually getting irritated that they were going on so long, but that stemmed from the intense pain. The band FINALLY ends and I thought, cool. When Bret Micahels goes on I will forget all about my suffering and have a good time.
So they cleared the stage and started setting up for him and then some guy comes on and announces that it will be another 20 minutes before Bret comes on. At that very moment, a wave of nausea overtook me. I think it was either the pain or the fact that everyone started crowding in and pushing up against everyone to get closer. I was basically getting ass raped. Right at that moment, I knew I couldn't wait 20 minutes, much less the whole show. So I told my friend I had to go to the back and sit down. I told her to stay up there, I did not want her to miss out on that experience on the account of my foolish wardrobe choices!
I started to feel a little bit bummed but I decided to stay positive about it. I was still there to see my man and I was determined to have a good time, so I did. I had a couple of beers, sang along with all the songs and really enjoyed myself.
I will never ever wear boots of any kind again when going to a show. I thought wearing sneakers would look silly but many people did (except for the ones who dressed as though they had a date with Bret Michaels after the show! LOL) and that's what I'm going to do. This morning I feel like part of me gipped myself of the experience. So I got online to see if they were playing anywhere close again. I see that they are in NH on May 1st. I looked up the driving directions and that's only a few hours away. I'm thinking ROAD TRIP!! :O)
Saturday, April 4, 2009
And the Survey Says....
I'm bored, fighting sleep and haven't written in my blog today. Since I haven't done much of anything today, I decided to do a survey thingy from myspace.
How much older is the person you're currently interested in?
8 years older
Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
My son and my dad.....do they count?
Do you usually have weird dreams?
Every once in a while. I had one last week and I wonder about it's meaning.
Who do you have texts from in your inbox?
friends
Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
I don't think so.
Have you ever made anyone cry?
Yes, it's been a long time though.
How long do you have until your birthday?
4 months & 3 days
Who did you last talk to in person?
The lady at Fashion Bug
Will the next person you kiss be the same person you last kissed?
I have no idea, part of me wishes yes
Do you want your tongue pierced?
Ouch! No...
Are there any bruises on your body?
Yes there's one on my butt from when I had to park so close to the next car at the gym and had to squeeze between the cars to get out. LOL
Last awkward moment?
When my card got declined at Fashion Bug earlier tonight!
How late did you stay up last night?
Probably around 12:30 or so
Do you know anyone who has been arrested?
yes
When did you last cry?
Earlier today
How are you feeling?
Bored and a little lonely
If you look straight ahead past your computer screen, what do see?
The TV
Do you want someone to call you right now?
Yes but that's not going to happen, it's pretty late.
Last person you had a deep conversation with?
Judith
Do you miss someone?
Always....
Do you like someone?
Unfortunately yes
Do you like hugs?
I love hugs!
Are you a loud person?
Not at all, I'm pretty calm and quiet
Have you ever been given a rose?o
Of course
Have you ever found it hard to tell anyone you like them?
Back when I was a teenager, but not now.
Last July who was the love of of your life?
McS
What is your worst subject in school?
Math
Would you rather have long or short hair?
I like it long
When was the last time you really laughed?
On the phone a little while ago
Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
Yes, many
Did the one person who hurt you the most recently apologized?
No, he's not one to apologize. He gives reasons for doing what he does but never says "I'm sorry"
Where is your ex right now?
I don't know, either out or sleeping
What do you currently hear right now?
The TV and my fingers on the keyboard
Who did you last tell a secret to?
Its been a long time since I've had any secrets, so I don't know
Do you still talk to the person you had fallen hardest for?
Yes
What does your hair look like right now?
Messy, since I've been laying down
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Yes, very much so
Is there anyone you trust 100%?
Yes, myself
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
No of my kisses are mistakes
Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
No
Is the last person you hugged older than you?
No, I hugged my son last
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
Yes unfortunately
What does the last text message in your inbox say, and who is it from?
"yeah but I could use the money too" from Amanda
Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My arms from doing weights 2 days ago
Do you wear your feelings all over your face?
Definitely
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I don't remember.
Do you like your life?
Most parts of it
What are you most excited about?
Seeing Bret Michaels tomorrow night!
Have you told anyone you love them today?
My son
Do you believe that ex's can be friends?
Yes, depending on the people and the situation
Do people underestimate you?
I don't really know, maybe sometimes
Do you hate being alone?
Most of the time, no. Sometimes like Friday nights I do.
What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
Meet Bret Michaels!
Do you have unlimited texting?
Yes
Does anyone call you babe?
Sometimes McS when we he gets off the phone
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Just my son....wasn't this question already asked?
Do you want someone back in your life?
Yes very much
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
No
Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Yes, I'm better at forgiving than forgetting though
Do you believe in karma?100%
Name 5 things that are within your reach?
cell phonehome, remote, notebook, credit cards, wallet
Do you have a teddy bear?
Not anymore
When was the last time you consumed alcohol?
A few weeks ago.
*I am sleep now. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED*
How much older is the person you're currently interested in?
8 years older
Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
My son and my dad.....do they count?
Do you usually have weird dreams?
Every once in a while. I had one last week and I wonder about it's meaning.
Who do you have texts from in your inbox?
friends
Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
I don't think so.
Have you ever made anyone cry?
Yes, it's been a long time though.
How long do you have until your birthday?
4 months & 3 days
Who did you last talk to in person?
The lady at Fashion Bug
Will the next person you kiss be the same person you last kissed?
I have no idea, part of me wishes yes
Do you want your tongue pierced?
Ouch! No...
Are there any bruises on your body?
Yes there's one on my butt from when I had to park so close to the next car at the gym and had to squeeze between the cars to get out. LOL
Last awkward moment?
When my card got declined at Fashion Bug earlier tonight!
How late did you stay up last night?
Probably around 12:30 or so
Do you know anyone who has been arrested?
yes
When did you last cry?
Earlier today
How are you feeling?
Bored and a little lonely
If you look straight ahead past your computer screen, what do see?
The TV
Do you want someone to call you right now?
Yes but that's not going to happen, it's pretty late.
Last person you had a deep conversation with?
Judith
Do you miss someone?
Always....
Do you like someone?
Unfortunately yes
Do you like hugs?
I love hugs!
Are you a loud person?
Not at all, I'm pretty calm and quiet
Have you ever been given a rose?o
Of course
Have you ever found it hard to tell anyone you like them?
Back when I was a teenager, but not now.
Last July who was the love of of your life?
McS
What is your worst subject in school?
Math
Would you rather have long or short hair?
I like it long
When was the last time you really laughed?
On the phone a little while ago
Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
Yes, many
Did the one person who hurt you the most recently apologized?
No, he's not one to apologize. He gives reasons for doing what he does but never says "I'm sorry"
Where is your ex right now?
I don't know, either out or sleeping
What do you currently hear right now?
The TV and my fingers on the keyboard
Who did you last tell a secret to?
Its been a long time since I've had any secrets, so I don't know
Do you still talk to the person you had fallen hardest for?
Yes
What does your hair look like right now?
Messy, since I've been laying down
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Yes, very much so
Is there anyone you trust 100%?
Yes, myself
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
No of my kisses are mistakes
Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
No
Is the last person you hugged older than you?
No, I hugged my son last
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
Yes unfortunately
What does the last text message in your inbox say, and who is it from?
"yeah but I could use the money too" from Amanda
Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My arms from doing weights 2 days ago
Do you wear your feelings all over your face?
Definitely
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I don't remember.
Do you like your life?
Most parts of it
What are you most excited about?
Seeing Bret Michaels tomorrow night!
Have you told anyone you love them today?
My son
Do you believe that ex's can be friends?
Yes, depending on the people and the situation
Do people underestimate you?
I don't really know, maybe sometimes
Do you hate being alone?
Most of the time, no. Sometimes like Friday nights I do.
What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
Meet Bret Michaels!
Do you have unlimited texting?
Yes
Does anyone call you babe?
Sometimes McS when we he gets off the phone
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Just my son....wasn't this question already asked?
Do you want someone back in your life?
Yes very much
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
No
Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Yes, I'm better at forgiving than forgetting though
Do you believe in karma?100%
Name 5 things that are within your reach?
cell phonehome, remote, notebook, credit cards, wallet
Do you have a teddy bear?
Not anymore
When was the last time you consumed alcohol?
A few weeks ago.
*I am sleep now. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED*
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Can I Borrow Someone's Boot?
I'm still sore today. But I'll take this kind of sore for being overweight any day. I'm also in a funk today. I was fooling around with the camera the other night and took some pictures. Looking at those pictures reminded me that I need to keep working out and really focus on eating better. Today I'm afraid that I will never lose weight. I am afraid of that because sometimes when I'm done with lunch and I realize I am not satisfied and could eat more, that is a depressing thought. Also my night time snacking, while better than it was before, has not stopped. It doesn't happen every night anymore, but it happened last night.
Oh and what's with the fact that I came home from dinner at my dad's with three stuffed shells as leftovers and decided that I needed to eat them last night to finish them up so I won't have to deal with counting the calories on them another day? Why couldn't I just throw them out? Or save them for another meal? Because I didn't want to. I find creative (and sometimes not-so-creative) excuses not to do what I'm supposed to do. Then I end up feeling bad about it. I've been working my ass off at the gym, for what? To maintain. If I'm going to work out so much, I want to see results from it dammit! I'm pissed off at myself that I'm doing all this work just to make up for what I've eaten. I need to give myself a good swift kick in the pants.
Oh and what's with the fact that I came home from dinner at my dad's with three stuffed shells as leftovers and decided that I needed to eat them last night to finish them up so I won't have to deal with counting the calories on them another day? Why couldn't I just throw them out? Or save them for another meal? Because I didn't want to. I find creative (and sometimes not-so-creative) excuses not to do what I'm supposed to do. Then I end up feeling bad about it. I've been working my ass off at the gym, for what? To maintain. If I'm going to work out so much, I want to see results from it dammit! I'm pissed off at myself that I'm doing all this work just to make up for what I've eaten. I need to give myself a good swift kick in the pants.
No Pain, No Gain
Step aerobiccs + extra pounds + 24 hours = PAIN. I don't mind this kind of pain though because I know I'm benefitting from it. But boy am I sore since last night. Getting up from the couch or my chair at work today after sitting for long periods proved to be painful! I loved the class though. I did great with the choreography....all the moves I once knew came back to me. But my legs and back were killing me so I didn't enjoy it to the fullest but I had fun. I'm doing it again next week. I'm also proud of myself for working out today despite my pain and the fact that I went to bed at 2:30 a.m. last night. I don't know why I torture myself like that!
This is going to be a shortie....I'm beat and making it an early night.
This is going to be a shortie....I'm beat and making it an early night.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
She's a maniac, maniac on the run...
Last night I was in a real funk. I was feeling kind of down. I inadvertently found out that McS "might" be talking to someone....someone that is not his girlfriend but that is also long distance. That put me in a real funk because I realize that even if he didn't have his girlfriend (which I'm not sure that has one. There's no way for me to know because I refuse to ask. I don't want to ask because it's not my business and whenever I get inquisitive I usually either end up in trouble, getting an answer that I don't want, or just hurt. Anyway so things just seem to point to the fact that he's talking to someone else and I got mad. But I was a good girl and didn't reach out to him....no calls or texts. I just kept it to myself. Mainly because I have no right to say anything, but also I don't know if it's true or not. If I call him out on it. he could prove me wrong so easily and then it looks like I'm the bad guy who's checking up on him.
So I cursed him to myself, I told myself that I hated him. I wrote in my personal journal and I told it that I never wanted to speak to him again. And I was ok with that. I figured my life would be better. I didn't shed a single tear. Then late last night he calls me and I don't say a word. I act like everything is great. Then we have a good talk, everything is pleasant and I hang up the phone loving him again. W T F? What is wrong with me, seriously? In all of my life, I've never been so attached to a person. Even the guy years ago that wanted to marry me. Before McS, he was the love of my life. But when that ended, yes it was hard and took some time. But I got over it. I'm not getting over this and I don't fucking know why. I actually irritate myself sometimes. What is it going to take? The guy basically dumped me for another woman. And he might be talking to someone else. So what does he have to do? Smack me around to get me to leave this alone? Ugh. Seriously, I'm getting annoyed with myself and frustrated that I can't get myself to kick him out of my life!
Other than my frustration I am actually good today. Sadly, I attribute some of that to last night's conversation. But I'm also looking forward to a step aerobics class tonight. I joined another gym (now I have two memberships, crazy me!) and now I get to do classes which will leave me gagging and gasping for air by mid-class. Gagging + gasping = great workout = weight loss. Woo Hoo!
So I cursed him to myself, I told myself that I hated him. I wrote in my personal journal and I told it that I never wanted to speak to him again. And I was ok with that. I figured my life would be better. I didn't shed a single tear. Then late last night he calls me and I don't say a word. I act like everything is great. Then we have a good talk, everything is pleasant and I hang up the phone loving him again. W T F? What is wrong with me, seriously? In all of my life, I've never been so attached to a person. Even the guy years ago that wanted to marry me. Before McS, he was the love of my life. But when that ended, yes it was hard and took some time. But I got over it. I'm not getting over this and I don't fucking know why. I actually irritate myself sometimes. What is it going to take? The guy basically dumped me for another woman. And he might be talking to someone else. So what does he have to do? Smack me around to get me to leave this alone? Ugh. Seriously, I'm getting annoyed with myself and frustrated that I can't get myself to kick him out of my life!
Other than my frustration I am actually good today. Sadly, I attribute some of that to last night's conversation. But I'm also looking forward to a step aerobics class tonight. I joined another gym (now I have two memberships, crazy me!) and now I get to do classes which will leave me gagging and gasping for air by mid-class. Gagging + gasping = great workout = weight loss. Woo Hoo!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Minor setbacks
I stumbled across the journal that I kept for my Women's Journals and Diaries class that I took last year. I made the mistake of reading through it. It took me back to the time last year in the couple of months before things went sour with McS. There were so many entries where I talked about us having a fight or about him being distant. I even questioned in there if he had found someone else. He did of course, I should have known. But even then he denied that it was anything serious and he didn't want to "rule me out" as he put it.
Sigh. It made me feel kind of bad after I read it and I did what I normally do and crawled under my covers to take a nap. I was tired anyway. But fortunately my silly cat kept me awake and so I snapped out of my funk, took a shower and feel much better now. I can't change what happened, I can only change how I handle things NOW. So, I guess that's a nice reality for me. But I won't be reading anymore journal entries any time soon. :o)
Sigh. It made me feel kind of bad after I read it and I did what I normally do and crawled under my covers to take a nap. I was tired anyway. But fortunately my silly cat kept me awake and so I snapped out of my funk, took a shower and feel much better now. I can't change what happened, I can only change how I handle things NOW. So, I guess that's a nice reality for me. But I won't be reading anymore journal entries any time soon. :o)
Friday, March 27, 2009
Zzzzz
Today was a pretty low-key day, not that I mind. I had the day off which was great! I like to tell myself that I earned it since I've been alone in the office most of the month. My intention was to get out today and do fun things with my son since he had the day off too. But it turned in to a morning of errands, then I took him to lunch and by the time I was done stuffing myself (ugh) the effects of sleeping only a few hours last night caught up with me. I took a long afternoon nap and chilled the rest of the day. Now I'm tired again and as much as I love staying up all hours of the night I think I'm going to turn in early tonight.
So even though I have nothing new or interesting to report but I have to say life is GOOD!
So even though I have nothing new or interesting to report but I have to say life is GOOD!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
An Old Flame...
An old flame is coming to town next weekend....and his name is Bret Michaels. Ok, so he's a fantasy flame. Shut up! I'm entitled to dream. After suffering a little bit of disappointment earlier this week when I decided I will NOT be paying $129.00 + tax to see Cheap Trick, Poison and Def Leppard this summer, I learned today that Bret Michaels and his other band will coming next weekend and I will only have to pay $35.00 to see my hunka hunka burning love. I didn't want to see Cheap Trick or Def Leppard anyway, so there! I'm waiting to hear if a friend of mine can go with me but if she can't, I am more than willing and happy to enjoy the show on my own. I would not miss this for the world plus I'm still really focused on ME and doing things to make me feel good and happy.
Anyway, Poison and I go way back. Back to 1988 I believe, when they were one of the hottest and prettiest glam bands around. I did not fall in love with Bret Michaels at that time though. He was too pretty for me and I didn't want to look like the guy in my relationship. But after he wiped off most of his make up and washed out a majority of hairspray, that is when I fell in love. Plus I've always loved their music and I later proved that I would do almost anything to see them. Twice in one week during college in 1990, my two friends and I traveled across the state to attend their concerts....without any money or tickets. If memory serves me correctly, we either won tickets or bought them for the first show in Syracuse. We had enough for a tank of gas to get us there and back. We had an awesome time at the show and came back to the dorms feeling like we were on top of the world. I could have sworn too that Bret was looking at me when he sang. He did, he really did! LOL
We learned that Poison was playing a few days later even further out west in Buffalo. I convinced my friends that we needed to go again. I begged, pleaded, cried and chanted "Poison! Poison!" and I finally got my way. With no money or tickets, we headed out on what was supposed to be a 4 hour trip. My friend wrote a check to fill up the tank with gas, we got some snacks and off we went. Several wrong turns and SEVEN hours later we finally made it. We get up to the ticket counter to buy our tickets.....with a check.....and were told they don't accept checks. I think we got the deer-in-headlights look before we started begging unsuccessfully.
We left the ticket area, defeated. But not completely. My friend had the idea that we should go around to the back of the building where she thought the tour bus would pull in, so we did. Nobody was there so we waited. Then a few other people showed up and finally the tour bus showed up. The band gets off the bus and my friend starts screaming to them that they wouldn't let us in to the show and could they help us. They motioned for us to come closer and she took off running toward them. My friend and were embarassed and afraid so we stayed behind the gates. My other friend comes back a few moments later and told us we were "in"! Oh the joy! CC DeVille told us to wait there and they will get us in. About an hour goes by and by then we thought he had played a cruel joke on us. But we were determined to see them so we waited. Finally one of the backstage managers got us and told us to come with them. He brought us to our seats which were on the side of the stage, but close. (I learned later that were seated in the slut/groupie section, but was so thankful we didn't have to perform any favors for getting in to the show LOL) It was awesome! We even met Bret afterwards at his bus where he was signing autographs. I wanted to take him right there and make babies with him. Sigh.
One other glorious moment was when I was the "Win a Phone Call from Poison" contest in Metal Edge magazine. When entering the contest, it asked me who I would want to call me if I won. I put down Bret Michaels (duh!) Months later, I learned that I won! Even more months later I got the call from their manager who told me Bret would not be able to call me, but Rikki Rocket would. I was bummed but excited anyway. Rikki talked to me for a good 20 minutes or so and I was able to wrangle more concert tickets from him for that summer. We met him and I met Bret again and I've been in love ever since. Even through their breakups and hiatuses I never forgot them.
I'm no longer really a fan of rock and roll.....but Poison will be my favorite band forever and ever! I can't wait until next weekend!
Anyway, Poison and I go way back. Back to 1988 I believe, when they were one of the hottest and prettiest glam bands around. I did not fall in love with Bret Michaels at that time though. He was too pretty for me and I didn't want to look like the guy in my relationship. But after he wiped off most of his make up and washed out a majority of hairspray, that is when I fell in love. Plus I've always loved their music and I later proved that I would do almost anything to see them. Twice in one week during college in 1990, my two friends and I traveled across the state to attend their concerts....without any money or tickets. If memory serves me correctly, we either won tickets or bought them for the first show in Syracuse. We had enough for a tank of gas to get us there and back. We had an awesome time at the show and came back to the dorms feeling like we were on top of the world. I could have sworn too that Bret was looking at me when he sang. He did, he really did! LOL
We learned that Poison was playing a few days later even further out west in Buffalo. I convinced my friends that we needed to go again. I begged, pleaded, cried and chanted "Poison! Poison!" and I finally got my way. With no money or tickets, we headed out on what was supposed to be a 4 hour trip. My friend wrote a check to fill up the tank with gas, we got some snacks and off we went. Several wrong turns and SEVEN hours later we finally made it. We get up to the ticket counter to buy our tickets.....with a check.....and were told they don't accept checks. I think we got the deer-in-headlights look before we started begging unsuccessfully.
We left the ticket area, defeated. But not completely. My friend had the idea that we should go around to the back of the building where she thought the tour bus would pull in, so we did. Nobody was there so we waited. Then a few other people showed up and finally the tour bus showed up. The band gets off the bus and my friend starts screaming to them that they wouldn't let us in to the show and could they help us. They motioned for us to come closer and she took off running toward them. My friend and were embarassed and afraid so we stayed behind the gates. My other friend comes back a few moments later and told us we were "in"! Oh the joy! CC DeVille told us to wait there and they will get us in. About an hour goes by and by then we thought he had played a cruel joke on us. But we were determined to see them so we waited. Finally one of the backstage managers got us and told us to come with them. He brought us to our seats which were on the side of the stage, but close. (I learned later that were seated in the slut/groupie section, but was so thankful we didn't have to perform any favors for getting in to the show LOL) It was awesome! We even met Bret afterwards at his bus where he was signing autographs. I wanted to take him right there and make babies with him. Sigh.
One other glorious moment was when I was the "Win a Phone Call from Poison" contest in Metal Edge magazine. When entering the contest, it asked me who I would want to call me if I won. I put down Bret Michaels (duh!) Months later, I learned that I won! Even more months later I got the call from their manager who told me Bret would not be able to call me, but Rikki Rocket would. I was bummed but excited anyway. Rikki talked to me for a good 20 minutes or so and I was able to wrangle more concert tickets from him for that summer. We met him and I met Bret again and I've been in love ever since. Even through their breakups and hiatuses I never forgot them.
I'm no longer really a fan of rock and roll.....but Poison will be my favorite band forever and ever! I can't wait until next weekend!
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