Sunday, January 17, 2010

Weekends, How I Love Thee...

Its been a few days since I've been on to write, but I've been enjoying my weekend and just didn't make time to write. I'm glad to be away from work for the three day weekend. It's a stressful time of year right now, not to mention the various little fires that erupted throughout the week.

I didn't do anything special this weekend except get some stuff done that I've been putting off, and of course my Zumba class today. I love that class, it's such an amazing workout.

That's about it really....nothing exciting or bad to say. Just loving life!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Checking Myself

I've been meaning to write for a few days but every time I finally sit down to do it, I'm exhausted. I've gotten in 4 workouts so far since Saturday, all Zumba. I love it!!

I'm finding myself situations lately in which I have to put myself in check and remind myself not to sweat the small stuff and be grateful for everything I have. Monday I found out that co-worker has advance stage leukemia. Tuesday I learned that there's a chance that she may not even survive the chemotherapy treatments that she starts today. But if she does, and they don't work then she has two months to live. Wow, just like that. I don't know her on a personal level but its sad nonetheless and a blunt reminder of how short life is. So in the past few days where a situation has irritated me, or my job becomes irritating (like today) I have to remind myself that I am lucky to have a job and be alive and healthy.

Then there's the situation in Haiti. How devastating. The more I see and read about it, the more my heart goes out to them. Hearing of the deaths, seeing bodies laying beneath rubble, hearing about all the children that have died and are trapped....it's all so heartbreaking. My prayers go out to them.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love

I meant to write a couple days ago considering that it was Elvis' birthday. I'm not really an Elvis fan but I do have significant memories of him via my mom. I remember being really young and hearing Elvis blasting on the record player while my mom did housework. I remember hearing him on the jukebox at my mom and dads bar. And who can forget the white jumpsuit? My mom and dad saw him in concert a few times. I remember being left with a babysitter when they traveled to Niagara falls in the pouring rain to go see him. Mom was excited, she loved him so. But mostly I remember one day. The day that he died. I was five at the time and I remember my mom crying. For the longest while I did not know why she was crying. My mom is a strong woman so when she cried, it meant it was bad so my brother and I were too scared to ask what was wrong. She cried a lot on this day, she was inconsolable. I finally gathered up the courage to ask her what was wrong. "Mommy, why are you crying?" I remember saying those exact words, as well as her response "Elvis died today" she said, almost hysterically. I remember so vividly not understanding why my mom was crying over someone on the radio that died. Maybe I didn't understand death either, as I had not known anyone that died. I just knew it was a sad day and my brother and I steered clear and played outside and in our rooms. That night, Elvis was once again blasting on the stereo and my mom and dad got drunk in the kitchen, listening to his music all night.

Its amazing what memories stay with you over the years. Happy belated birthday to Elvis and I hope he's resting in peace.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Things that puzzle me

Here are a few things that puzzle me:

*Boys
*A 7 lb weight loss in 5 days (yay, but it's puzzling)
*Conveyor Belt of Love (WHY???)
*Boys
*How birds in the greater northeast can survive this cold. Brrrrr.
*Justin Beiber - what is he, like 12?
*Jersey Shore - why do I like it so much?
*People that post Youtube videos showing them picking pimples. Ew.
*Beastiality
*The Yellow Light of Death. How can playstation & XBox make something so expensive and not cover it for longer than a year? Can we say ripoff?
*People that drive around & around the parking lot looking for a close spot. You're that lazy? Really?
People with green thumbs. I envy your ability to keep plants alive, because I can't.
*BOYS

Thursday, January 7, 2010

In the last 10 years...

I took this from Pink Bunny Foo Foo's blog (I wish I knew how to link to her blog!) and I liked it so I did one of my own.

Decade Milestones - in the last 10 years, I...

•met Judith who would become one of my closest friends
•got my cat Jasmine who was just 4 mos old at the time
•lost 50 lbs
•went to my first and only baseball playoff game
•became an Aunt for the 7th time
•met my brother's long lost son who was put up for adoption 24 yrs ago (became Aunt for 8th time!)
•moved back home to New York from San Jose, CA
•took a job back at the same state agency I worked in before I moved to CA
•gained back all of the weight I lost
•got my cat Chloe at 8 wks old
•went into debt for a guy
•got my first big promotion
•bought my first "clunker" piece of junk car (not knowing at the time)
•started a new job in a new agency
•moved into my duplex
•reconnected with two of my close friends from High School. We are close again :)
•became a mom of a high school student
•met Scott and had the best holidays of my life
•took my first roadtrip by myself
•visited Manhattan/Times Square for the first time during the holidays
•discovered Zumba and fell in love
•got my Associates degree
•bought a new car
•saw my first broadway show

Mortality

I've been thinking a lot about mortality this past year. Maybe it was because all of the celebrity deaths that occured last year. Or maybe it was the fact that four classmates from my HS graduating class passed away either in their early or mid 30's.

I truly believe that God has a plan for everyone. But what is the plan for the 33 year old woman who died after suffering with cancer for two years, leaving behind a teenager and a 6 year old baby girl? What's the plan for the woman that went into the hospital for routine gall bladder surgery, then went home and died, leaving an 8 year old daughter without her mother? That part I don't get. Thinking about it makes me sad and sometimes I can't help but think about it.

Life is so short. I would love to live it to the fullest, but I know that I don't. Maybe that will be another "resolution" this year.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Biggest Loser and more

I'm pretty tired tonight after my lack of sleep last night so I'll make this fairly brief. Today was a good day. I had a dental cleaning which I always stress about because I hate the dentist and having my teeth scraped. But it was a quick cleaning because I take good care of them and floss :) I came home and went to Zumba and learned they added three more zumba classes! I can't do Friday nights because it's early but still I get to do zumba 4x a week. Yay!

Biggest Loser premiered again tonight. Man, I love that show. Its still too early to determine a favorite though. Its the biggest cast yet and one person weighed in at over 500 lbs! Yikes. I can't wait to start seeing results. It's so motivational!

Oh and I ate perfect today. Time for bed!

Epic fail

Here it is 1:30 in the morning and I'm not asleep yet. Since I last posted, the rest of my night was an epic fail. Sitting around at night watching TV has proven to NOT be good for me. I should have come home and worked out but I didn't. As a result, I got hungry after dinner and I had some bread and butter. I was so tired tonight and I layed down at 11:30, almost asleep until my phone rang. 20 minutes later I get off the phone and could not sleep. Why? Because I was thinking about cheese doodles and chocolate. I fought it as long as I could until I had some. More than just some. I had too much. After a bowl of cheese doodles I had SEVEN chocolates. I consider that binge eating. I am not, nor have I ever been a binge eater so I don't know what got in to me. I feel disgusted and sickeningly full right now. And the guilt is getting to me right now. Ugh.

I will not beat myself up. I can't. What good would it do? Tomorrow is a new day and I know it will be better because I have my zumba class right after work. I always feel good and energized after that class and plus the Biggest Loser starts tomorrow night and that gives me more motivation. So tomorrow will be a good day. But what about the rest of the days? They can't be like this.

Ugh. I'm going to bed.

Monday, January 4, 2010

One Day At A Time

I survived two things today: Monday and my first day in my quest for a healthier lifestyle. I got up at 5AM this morning to do one of the Leslie Sansone "Walk Away the Pounds" DVDs for 40 minutes. It felt good to get up and do it! I would like to try to get up every morning however I decided today that I am taking this thing day by day. I'm not going to look at long term goals or promise myself when I'm going to work out and get down on myself if I don't. I will wake up each day and tell myself what I want to do for that day and try to do it. I think it will be easier to achieve things that way instead of looking at the bigger picture and getting discouraged if I don't accomplish something I wanted to do. I want to be successful, day by day.

Since I didn't write much over last year I'll do a brief recap, starting with Scott. He and his girlfriend broke up at the beginning of last year and of course I was there to pick up the pieces. Things have been pretty good since the summer time. He's much more attentive now and he puts forth more effort than I think I've ever seen. It stinks that we don't live near each other. I think if we were in the same town we would be married and happy. Who knows where this relationship will go but that's another thing that I'm not going to overthink.

Last May I got my Associates Degree! I didn't think it would be a big deal since I'm now going for my Bachelor's, but when I got that degree in my hand I was overwhelmed with pride and even felt a little emotional. It's so hard going to school, working full time and trying to be a good mom but I'm doing it. I wish I didn't have to juggle it all and I hate school work but I have to keep going. I hope it all pays off. On another note, I HAVE to start putting money aside to begin paying the loans to ease the debt a little bit.

In November when I brought my car in for my mechanic to look at (it shook when i put the brakes on) he told me I should not put anymore money in to my car. So I took my extra loan money (bad girl, I know) to put a down payment on a car. I got a 2009 Toyota Corolla and I'm thrilled! I had been regretting buying that stupid Taurus and wanted a Toyota so bad but didn't think I could do it. But I did and I love my car. I love having something reliable and safe, something that I feel comfortable driving (unlike the Taurus which felt like a boat!) and something that I can feel good spending money on.

Those are really the one "big" things that happened last year. I'm looking forward to seeing what 2010 has to offer.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

2010 Are you ready for me?

I suck at blogging. I always start but I never finish. I also suck at weight loss. Something else I start but don't seem to finish. I suck at filtering what I say when I'm mad. I'm sarcastic and can be spiteful when I feel that I've been wrong. I suck at not using my credit cards. I buy what I want, when I want and therefore I'm constantly racking up small amounts of debt and then killing myself to pay it off.

BUT, this blog is not about being down on myself. It's about recognizing the things that I want and NEED to change. Therefore, here is my list of "resolutions" (though I hate that word):

1. Lose weight. This is most imporant because a) I'm unhealthy; b) I hate the way I look; c) I hate the way I feel; and d) I'd like to be around for my son for a very long time.

2. Stop using my credit cards. If I don't have the money for it, I shouldn't be buying it. I should be able to start saving money, at least to start putting towards my student loans so I don't end up so high in debt that I need to work two jobs to pay it off. I also need to stop putting groceries and gas on my credit cards. Paying interest on those two things is ridiculous. So I will slowly work on paying off the $1,000 I managed to rack up.

3. Handle myself better, even in impossible situations. I don't have to say everything that I feel at the moment I feel it. Reacting "in the moment" is not always a good thing. There are things that people say that can never be taken back. Whether its name calling, accusations, or just overall bitchiness. I will work on taking a step back and thinking about the way I feel and what is worth arguing over, and what is not.

4. Blogging more. Its harder now that I can't blog at work but I should be able to sit down for 10 minutes a night or even every couple nights and blog about what I'm thinking or feeling. I admittedly lead a pretty boring life so sometimes I feel I have nothing to write about. But how about the times where I'm just having a good day for no reason at all? Or when my son says something really nice or does something hilarious that makes me laugh? Or about how great I feel after a good zumba workout? There's nothing wrong with writing about those things and it will be a good way to remind me about the little things in life that make me happy. Some day I would like to look back on all I've written and learn from it and have a pretty good chuckle over it.

There, I'm done. And I must say that I'm pretty pleased with what I've written and how quickly it came to me. Onward and upward!