Dear -----

I found something that I wrote a couple of weeks ago when I was at work, pissed off and in an overall rotten mood. I printed it out to blog and then forgot about it. I found it tonight, so I thought I would put it here for amusement purposes -- at least my own anyway.

Dear Mr. Perfect,

It must be hard being so perfect. You say you aren't but you never admit to doing anything wrong. Your tone is always even, you are never rude, short or sarcastic. You are always in good spirits and you never put yourself first. You have never lied, cheated or broken any promises. You have always been truthful, forthcoming and genuine. You have never cuased a moment of doubt or confusion and when the going gets tough, you are there to meet it head on. You never shy away from feelings or uncomfortable conversations. You have no problems saying what you feel, as you would never expect others to read your mind. You are always friendly and outgoing and you take the time to be a friend and allow others to speak about their lives and offer comments, questions and opinions. You never nitpick a person's faults or wrongdoings and you never keep an argument going. You never forget to send birthday cards, especially to people that are nice enough to send them to you. Gosh....I wonder what it must feel like to be perfect like you?

Dear Idiot on the Thruway,

Are you really an idiot or do you just not give a fuck about the potential dangers that you are causing when you are literally sitting.....alone.....in the left hand lane, waiting to merge over into the line of cars that have been waiting patiently> Do you not realize that you are blocking the lane for other drivers that would like continue along that highway to their destination? Or is it really none of your concern because it's not inconveniencing you at all? Either way you are a clueless asshole and your driving sucks. You deserve to have your license taken away before you kill someone with your elementary driving knowledge and lack of skills. Moron.

Dear Present & Annoying,

I hate it when you don't have meetings. Do you want to know why? Because then you have nothing better to do then sit at your computer and catch up on e-mails which turns in to you forwarding me things and asking me if I will print them for you. Why don't you print them yourself? There's a little print icon at the top of you screen, do you not see it? Do you not realize that it takes longer for you to type me the e-mail, find my name in the address book and hit the send button? Are you really paying me all this money to print shit? Wow, talk about easy money. Too bad good talent is going to waste....but hey, I'm just there to collect my check.

Dear Drama Queen,

Apparently you have forgotten that I am not moved by your silent treatments and temper tantrums. I can go a very long time, if not forever, keeping to myself to avoid your drama. I think you need to look at your own actions and realize that the very same reason that you are mad at me about, you did yourself. Did I get angry and stop speaking to you? No. So, do you what you do because it will be a cold day in hell before I ever call you again. One bit of advice though....go pop your pills, smoke your weed and realize that life doesn't revolve around you!

Dear Zumba whore,

I'm not a skinny girl so I know there's no way that you can't seem me when you walk right up next to me and insert yourself in my personal space. Why do you feel the need to stand shoulder to shoulder with me in a workout class that requires us to have at least a little space to move? Furthermore, do you not see me glaring at you? Do you realize that when we are working out and I'm bumping in to you and my hands are flailing about that I do it on purpose? Its my way of letting you know that you fucked up by invading my space. You will not conquer me. In case you haven't noticed, I'm bigger than you and I could probably take you in the parking lot any day. Consider this notice.

Dear Puker(s),

I'm not sure which one of you two lovely little furballs it is, but I'm kind of tired of finding piles of vomit on my carpets throughout the house. Apparently one of you likes to over eat from time to time.....haven't you ever heard of portion control? Do I need to refer you to a support group for bulemia? It's funny how you wait until I leave the room to make a deposit too. Oh, and you never do it on the kitchen floor where it can be easily cleaned up. It's got to be on the rug of course. One more thing....when I return to find my present, you both go running. You think that's pretty amusing, do you? I don't. If you don't cut it out, I may have to turn you both into anorexics. How do you like me now bitches????

Love,
Me

Hello, is this thing on?

I feel like I'm becoming more and more disconnected from things that make me uncomfortable or angry. I touched on it a little bit in my last post, but I still wonder why I'm able to just cut people off without much if any feeling behind it. I wonder if I will end up old and alone.

On that same note, I tried to get a hold of my mom earlier and she's always home. If she's not home, she's got her cell phone on her. I couldn't get a hold of her for three hours tonight and I immediately this fear in my head that something bad happened to either her or her husband, or both. I've been thinking about it a lot lately since she's getting older.....what would happen if her husband passed away first? She can't stand living along but yet she refuses to come back to NY. She would be there all alone. I couldn't let that happen, but what would I do?

Despite the depressing thoughts I'm doing well, just tired. Tonight Amanda and I went to the gym to work out. Not our typical zumba class....we just did cardio on the elliptical, bike and treadmill. I must say I'm kind of proud of myself since I now find those machines to be very boring. But I'm glad we did it. And I can't wait for zumba tomorrow.

That's all I got....

Where I'm At

I've been plugging away at homework so I haven't been around....AGAIN. I've got to get better at this blogging thing. Especially when I've had so much going on in my personal friendships lately. I don't know what it is but I feel like I'm getting to a stage in my life where I don't feel like I want to tolerate or put up with things that cause me to be annoyed or stressed. With that comes the feeling that I don't 'need' most people in my life. I don't think that's a very good way to feel. I have a friend that I've been close with for years, and I consider her one of my best friends. But when we have a falling out or she gets annoyed at me for something, I don't make any effort to get in touch with her. And that's where we are at now. We are approaching week 3 of not speaking for a really dumb reason. But I'm not sad about it. Does that make me cold and heartless?

Then there's Scott. We haven't been getting along lately most of the time. But I still stay strong and keep up the friendship. But the other day I just had enough and I haven't spoken to him since. He's tried to call and for once I'm really enjoying my peace so much that I've had no desire to talk to him so I haven't. In a way I feel guilty because I think it's rude to continuously avoid someone's call. But honestly I don't know what to say. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of not trusting him. I'm just tired, period.

That's where I'm at. Despite all that, I'm in a really good place. The semester ends on April 30th and I'm looking forward to the break. I'm working out more (but eating more ugh) and if I can get the healthier eating down I would feel super great!