...since I've written in this thing, and I knew that would happen. Why, oh why can't I be consistent? I love to write and have lots to say. How hard is it to come on here once a day or even every couple of days to jot a few lines that nobody will read? This is coming from a person who is still not done completing her assignments for her semester that ended on July 3rd. Hmmmm. I would love to say that I'm busy, but I'm really not. I would love to say that I have a man that takes up most of my waking hours, but I don't. Well not really anyway. :) That brings me to my topic for today. Long distance relationships.
They suck. Well, the one I'm in sucks. And I'm trying to figure out how I can get better at it. It's funny, because two weeks ago when I started this entry I was asking myself how I could pull away from it with minimal hurt and suffering. Now I'm asking myself how I can get better at it. I'm in this "relationship" (which I put in quotes because I think it's more of a relationship then maybe he does) and I know him well enough now to know what works and what doesn't work.
What works:
~Kindness
~Understanding
~Patience
~Independence
~Consistency
~Caring
~Love
What doesn't work:
~Temper tantrums
~Threats
~Hanging up on him
~Attitude
~Sulking
~Crying
On my best days I give him all the things that work. He's a busy fella, busy with work and busy with home life. He likes to keep fairly active even if it means doing simple things like washing his car and going window shopping on the weekends. When I'm feeling good and wanting to behave, I give him all the things that work well for us. I'm kind, loving and caring. That's the way I like to be. He's also a fan of his independence (i.e. me not calling and talking to him every five minutes) and likes when I'm patient with him when he gets busy with life.
On my worst days.....well, that's a whole other story. I get cranky when I can't talk to him. I make threats about finding someone new (yeah right, I have no interest in that, so why even mention it?), I give major attitude (Him: "What's wrong?" Me: (sigh) "Nothing!"), I sulk and sometimes I cry. Although in my own defense, I do cry real tears. Lately I've been giving him everything that doesn't work. I know these are things that don't work, yet I can't stop myself and then I wonder why he often questions whether or not he would really want to try and make things work. I won't make myself sound like the only criminal here, he has ways about him too. Sometimes he gets too wrapped up in himself, he doesn't deal with drama at all. When I say "at all" I mean that literally. Like if I have something on my mind that he thinks is drama, he steers clear of it, and sometimes even avoids it. So we are both at fault.
I kind of got a wake up call last week though. There is a possibility of a new "friend" in his life. But she's long distance too. Then my mind was going a million miles a minute. I did the first thing that came natural to me and blamed him for every single wrong in our relationship. And how dare you have a friendship with another woman (who is very pretty btw) while you still have me?
Then I started thinking and being real with myself. Who would want to be around someone who has major attitude all the time? Who would be around someone that questions every single move you make? Certainly not me. So I'm kind of taking a step back and looking at my own actions and how I can improve them. I do love this man. No matter what has happened or what has been said, I love him. That being said, do I want to give him someone that he wants to avoid? Or do I want to give him the very best of me? Is my little attitude and temper tantrums when I don't get my own way, worth losing him? No.
I'll take a diet coke with that big fat dose of reality, thankyouverymuch!!
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