Weekends, How I Love Thee...

Its been a few days since I've been on to write, but I've been enjoying my weekend and just didn't make time to write. I'm glad to be away from work for the three day weekend. It's a stressful time of year right now, not to mention the various little fires that erupted throughout the week.

I didn't do anything special this weekend except get some stuff done that I've been putting off, and of course my Zumba class today. I love that class, it's such an amazing workout.

That's about it really....nothing exciting or bad to say. Just loving life!!

Checking Myself

I've been meaning to write for a few days but every time I finally sit down to do it, I'm exhausted. I've gotten in 4 workouts so far since Saturday, all Zumba. I love it!!

I'm finding myself situations lately in which I have to put myself in check and remind myself not to sweat the small stuff and be grateful for everything I have. Monday I found out that co-worker has advance stage leukemia. Tuesday I learned that there's a chance that she may not even survive the chemotherapy treatments that she starts today. But if she does, and they don't work then she has two months to live. Wow, just like that. I don't know her on a personal level but its sad nonetheless and a blunt reminder of how short life is. So in the past few days where a situation has irritated me, or my job becomes irritating (like today) I have to remind myself that I am lucky to have a job and be alive and healthy.

Then there's the situation in Haiti. How devastating. The more I see and read about it, the more my heart goes out to them. Hearing of the deaths, seeing bodies laying beneath rubble, hearing about all the children that have died and are trapped....it's all so heartbreaking. My prayers go out to them.

Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love

I meant to write a couple days ago considering that it was Elvis' birthday. I'm not really an Elvis fan but I do have significant memories of him via my mom. I remember being really young and hearing Elvis blasting on the record player while my mom did housework. I remember hearing him on the jukebox at my mom and dads bar. And who can forget the white jumpsuit? My mom and dad saw him in concert a few times. I remember being left with a babysitter when they traveled to Niagara falls in the pouring rain to go see him. Mom was excited, she loved him so. But mostly I remember one day. The day that he died. I was five at the time and I remember my mom crying. For the longest while I did not know why she was crying. My mom is a strong woman so when she cried, it meant it was bad so my brother and I were too scared to ask what was wrong. She cried a lot on this day, she was inconsolable. I finally gathered up the courage to ask her what was wrong. "Mommy, why are you crying?" I remember saying those exact words, as well as her response "Elvis died today" she said, almost hysterically. I remember so vividly not understanding why my mom was crying over someone on the radio that died. Maybe I didn't understand death either, as I had not known anyone that died. I just knew it was a sad day and my brother and I steered clear and played outside and in our rooms. That night, Elvis was once again blasting on the stereo and my mom and dad got drunk in the kitchen, listening to his music all night.

Its amazing what memories stay with you over the years. Happy belated birthday to Elvis and I hope he's resting in peace.

Things that puzzle me

Here are a few things that puzzle me:

*Boys
*A 7 lb weight loss in 5 days (yay, but it's puzzling)
*Conveyor Belt of Love (WHY???)
*Boys
*How birds in the greater northeast can survive this cold. Brrrrr.
*Justin Beiber - what is he, like 12?
*Jersey Shore - why do I like it so much?
*People that post Youtube videos showing them picking pimples. Ew.
*Beastiality
*The Yellow Light of Death. How can playstation & XBox make something so expensive and not cover it for longer than a year? Can we say ripoff?
*People that drive around & around the parking lot looking for a close spot. You're that lazy? Really?
People with green thumbs. I envy your ability to keep plants alive, because I can't.
*BOYS

In the last 10 years...

I took this from Pink Bunny Foo Foo's blog (I wish I knew how to link to her blog!) and I liked it so I did one of my own.

Decade Milestones - in the last 10 years, I...

•met Judith who would become one of my closest friends
•got my cat Jasmine who was just 4 mos old at the time
•lost 50 lbs
•went to my first and only baseball playoff game
•became an Aunt for the 7th time
•met my brother's long lost son who was put up for adoption 24 yrs ago (became Aunt for 8th time!)
•moved back home to New York from San Jose, CA
•took a job back at the same state agency I worked in before I moved to CA
•gained back all of the weight I lost
•got my cat Chloe at 8 wks old
•went into debt for a guy
•got my first big promotion
•bought my first "clunker" piece of junk car (not knowing at the time)
•started a new job in a new agency
•moved into my duplex
•reconnected with two of my close friends from High School. We are close again :)
•became a mom of a high school student
•met Scott and had the best holidays of my life
•took my first roadtrip by myself
•visited Manhattan/Times Square for the first time during the holidays
•discovered Zumba and fell in love
•got my Associates degree
•bought a new car
•saw my first broadway show

Mortality

I've been thinking a lot about mortality this past year. Maybe it was because all of the celebrity deaths that occured last year. Or maybe it was the fact that four classmates from my HS graduating class passed away either in their early or mid 30's.

I truly believe that God has a plan for everyone. But what is the plan for the 33 year old woman who died after suffering with cancer for two years, leaving behind a teenager and a 6 year old baby girl? What's the plan for the woman that went into the hospital for routine gall bladder surgery, then went home and died, leaving an 8 year old daughter without her mother? That part I don't get. Thinking about it makes me sad and sometimes I can't help but think about it.

Life is so short. I would love to live it to the fullest, but I know that I don't. Maybe that will be another "resolution" this year.

Biggest Loser and more

I'm pretty tired tonight after my lack of sleep last night so I'll make this fairly brief. Today was a good day. I had a dental cleaning which I always stress about because I hate the dentist and having my teeth scraped. But it was a quick cleaning because I take good care of them and floss :) I came home and went to Zumba and learned they added three more zumba classes! I can't do Friday nights because it's early but still I get to do zumba 4x a week. Yay!

Biggest Loser premiered again tonight. Man, I love that show. Its still too early to determine a favorite though. Its the biggest cast yet and one person weighed in at over 500 lbs! Yikes. I can't wait to start seeing results. It's so motivational!

Oh and I ate perfect today. Time for bed!

Epic fail

Here it is 1:30 in the morning and I'm not asleep yet. Since I last posted, the rest of my night was an epic fail. Sitting around at night watching TV has proven to NOT be good for me. I should have come home and worked out but I didn't. As a result, I got hungry after dinner and I had some bread and butter. I was so tired tonight and I layed down at 11:30, almost asleep until my phone rang. 20 minutes later I get off the phone and could not sleep. Why? Because I was thinking about cheese doodles and chocolate. I fought it as long as I could until I had some. More than just some. I had too much. After a bowl of cheese doodles I had SEVEN chocolates. I consider that binge eating. I am not, nor have I ever been a binge eater so I don't know what got in to me. I feel disgusted and sickeningly full right now. And the guilt is getting to me right now. Ugh.

I will not beat myself up. I can't. What good would it do? Tomorrow is a new day and I know it will be better because I have my zumba class right after work. I always feel good and energized after that class and plus the Biggest Loser starts tomorrow night and that gives me more motivation. So tomorrow will be a good day. But what about the rest of the days? They can't be like this.

Ugh. I'm going to bed.

One Day At A Time

I survived two things today: Monday and my first day in my quest for a healthier lifestyle. I got up at 5AM this morning to do one of the Leslie Sansone "Walk Away the Pounds" DVDs for 40 minutes. It felt good to get up and do it! I would like to try to get up every morning however I decided today that I am taking this thing day by day. I'm not going to look at long term goals or promise myself when I'm going to work out and get down on myself if I don't. I will wake up each day and tell myself what I want to do for that day and try to do it. I think it will be easier to achieve things that way instead of looking at the bigger picture and getting discouraged if I don't accomplish something I wanted to do. I want to be successful, day by day.

Since I didn't write much over last year I'll do a brief recap, starting with Scott. He and his girlfriend broke up at the beginning of last year and of course I was there to pick up the pieces. Things have been pretty good since the summer time. He's much more attentive now and he puts forth more effort than I think I've ever seen. It stinks that we don't live near each other. I think if we were in the same town we would be married and happy. Who knows where this relationship will go but that's another thing that I'm not going to overthink.

Last May I got my Associates Degree! I didn't think it would be a big deal since I'm now going for my Bachelor's, but when I got that degree in my hand I was overwhelmed with pride and even felt a little emotional. It's so hard going to school, working full time and trying to be a good mom but I'm doing it. I wish I didn't have to juggle it all and I hate school work but I have to keep going. I hope it all pays off. On another note, I HAVE to start putting money aside to begin paying the loans to ease the debt a little bit.

In November when I brought my car in for my mechanic to look at (it shook when i put the brakes on) he told me I should not put anymore money in to my car. So I took my extra loan money (bad girl, I know) to put a down payment on a car. I got a 2009 Toyota Corolla and I'm thrilled! I had been regretting buying that stupid Taurus and wanted a Toyota so bad but didn't think I could do it. But I did and I love my car. I love having something reliable and safe, something that I feel comfortable driving (unlike the Taurus which felt like a boat!) and something that I can feel good spending money on.

Those are really the one "big" things that happened last year. I'm looking forward to seeing what 2010 has to offer.

2010 Are you ready for me?

I suck at blogging. I always start but I never finish. I also suck at weight loss. Something else I start but don't seem to finish. I suck at filtering what I say when I'm mad. I'm sarcastic and can be spiteful when I feel that I've been wrong. I suck at not using my credit cards. I buy what I want, when I want and therefore I'm constantly racking up small amounts of debt and then killing myself to pay it off.

BUT, this blog is not about being down on myself. It's about recognizing the things that I want and NEED to change. Therefore, here is my list of "resolutions" (though I hate that word):

1. Lose weight. This is most imporant because a) I'm unhealthy; b) I hate the way I look; c) I hate the way I feel; and d) I'd like to be around for my son for a very long time.

2. Stop using my credit cards. If I don't have the money for it, I shouldn't be buying it. I should be able to start saving money, at least to start putting towards my student loans so I don't end up so high in debt that I need to work two jobs to pay it off. I also need to stop putting groceries and gas on my credit cards. Paying interest on those two things is ridiculous. So I will slowly work on paying off the $1,000 I managed to rack up.

3. Handle myself better, even in impossible situations. I don't have to say everything that I feel at the moment I feel it. Reacting "in the moment" is not always a good thing. There are things that people say that can never be taken back. Whether its name calling, accusations, or just overall bitchiness. I will work on taking a step back and thinking about the way I feel and what is worth arguing over, and what is not.

4. Blogging more. Its harder now that I can't blog at work but I should be able to sit down for 10 minutes a night or even every couple nights and blog about what I'm thinking or feeling. I admittedly lead a pretty boring life so sometimes I feel I have nothing to write about. But how about the times where I'm just having a good day for no reason at all? Or when my son says something really nice or does something hilarious that makes me laugh? Or about how great I feel after a good zumba workout? There's nothing wrong with writing about those things and it will be a good way to remind me about the little things in life that make me happy. Some day I would like to look back on all I've written and learn from it and have a pretty good chuckle over it.

There, I'm done. And I must say that I'm pretty pleased with what I've written and how quickly it came to me. Onward and upward!

Positive Thoughts needed

I keep telling myself I will start blogging again soon, and I will. But today I saw a post on a blog and I felt compelled to post it.

My name is brandy. And I have a blog. (http://brainyjane22.wordpress.com/)

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Reminder to Self

I haven't been on here in FOREVER. Work, school, parenting and fitness have been kicking my butt and keeping me away. For the most part there's not a lot to tell. I do have an issue but I'll save that for tomorrow when I'm not tired. Tomorrow morning I'm getting up to do an 8AM workout at the gym followed by 9AM Zumba which I LOVE so much! 2 hours should justify me eating like a normal person for a day. Right? Let's hope!

My story

So I promised a story from my birthday. It's nothing that probably hasn't happened a million times, but nonetheless it was weird and awkward! I went to my sisters house the day after my birthday. She invited another couple over and they were really nice. The woman was super sweet, and the guy was the same and they made easy conversation. Throughout the course of the night, the guy kept finding ways to touch me. Whether it be kissing my hand, or walking by me and touching my shoulders or playing with my hair and yes he did it in front of his girlfriend. I just chalked it up to him being a nice person who's affectionate. The girlfriend didn't seem to mind. I'm not one to speak up about something that hasn't quite crossed the line, I don't like confrontations or drama.

At one point I went inside to use the bathroom and when I came outside, the girlfriend was giving my sister a shoulder massage. So I sat down, grabbed my beer and happily continued drinking. Suddenly, the guy announces that the birthday girl needed some special attention. He gets up and starts massaging my shoulders and neck. I said no, that's ok but he insisted. It was awkward because I don't enjoy getting touched by people I don't know LOL. But I stuck it out and hoped he wouldn't be too long. A little while later almost the same scenario occurred except this time the girl was giving my sister's husband a massage. Again I didn't think it was too weird......until again her boyfriend came over to me to do it again. And this time it wasn't a quickie. He lingered. He lingered long enough for his girlfriend to sit back down and grab a drink. He lingered so long that his girlfriend said (finally!) "ok babe you really need to stop now." Ummm yeah, ya think? I know I should have spoken up but it didn't really feel creepy....just weird. After that things kind of changed a bit. While she was still nice to me, she got kind of quiet and wanted to leave. She gets up to go to the bathroom and he follows her. They were in there for a while. Finally he exits the bathroom (I wondered if they had sex in there) just as I was coming in to get a drink. The bathroom was right off the kitchen but that didn't stop the guy from coming over to me to give me a hug.....and pulling me in for a kiss, while he's grabbing my ass of course. Whoa. WTF? I pushed him back, about to go off and he just smiles and walks away.

Seriously. That really irritated me that a) he would disrespect me like that to think that I would actually enjoy being manhandled and made out with while his girlfriend is in the next room and b) that he would disrespect his girlfriend like that. I said nothing and they left right after that, thank goodness. I don't like to generalize, but what is wrong with men??? Why do they find it so hard to be loyal and faithful to the one they are with? The person could be sweet, attractive, successful (like his girlfriend is) and that's not good enough? What is it about the penis that overrides all logic and sensibility? GRRRRRR. I was irritated for a ocuple of days about it, I'm not sure why I let it affect me like that. I'm over it now but still, I'd like to take that guy and give him a good swift kick in the ass!

I really wanted to make this light and funny, but I'm pretty tired right now. Long day, long weekend and ready to begin another week!

Lazy

I have no excuse for not writing other than laziness. The last time I wrote was the day before my birthday. I had a decent day although I got a slight case of food poisoning from dinner. But I made it out alive. I had an awkward experience the day after my birthday which I'll blog about next time. Other than that, I haven't had much excitement since then....which is not necessarily a bad thing!

A Year Ago

Before I start, I'll warn that most of this entry will be filled with negativity and explanations to why I had a crappy day. But don't worry, I'll throw in something positive at the end.

My day started out crappy when the alarm went off at 5:00 and I did not get up to work out for the second day in a row. I was tired, groggy and sneezy and I couldn't drag my lazy ass out of bed which ultimately led to guilt and digust with myself for once again starting something and failing a couple of days later. But I'm not one to beat myself up for too long. All I can do is keep *trying* (oh I hate that word!) and hope that I can become consistent with my efforts.

When I finally did wake up, my first thought was that tomorrow is my birthday. Lots of people would be excited about their birthday. I am not. I was supposed to be away for my birthday, seeing my mom and having a great time with a friend but that did not happen. And the feeling of not having "someone special" to share my birthday with plagued me all day. I was down and weepy at work and feeling sorry for myself. It was sickening actually, but I could not help myself.

Then I started thinking about a year ago today. One year ago today I was in a happy relationship....or so I thought. I had a guy who I thought loved me and that I would be with for a very long time. I think a year ago I was on the computer like I am now. Three hours from now will mark the one year anniversary of the worst day that I've had in a long time. That is when I found out that I was not actually in a happy relationship. The guy, Scott, was seeing someone else and in fact professing his love to her on myspace. I know...in the grand scheme of life this is really not that serious. I get that. But truly that night (and several nights after for months) I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. This was a guy that I thought would NEVER do something like that to me. We had a lot of talks in great length about the kind of relationship we wanted. We talked about cheating and I told him how I just wanted one guy to feel that I am ENOUGH. I learned a year ago that I wasn't enough. And I learned it on my birthday.

Fast forward a year later. I'm much stronger than I was last year. I still have a big heart and when I love, I love hard. But I no longer see him as the perfect guy, and I should not have thought that anyway, as nobody is perfect. I no longer have that same adoration for him that I did prior to a year. I no longer make excuses for some of his behaviors and love him "regardless". I'm much stronger, a little more bitter and a lot more cautious. I still a weakness for him and since then we have still been talking and I have forgiven him, but have not forgotten. I would like to think that I have learned a lot from this experience with him, and something that I can take with me in to my next relationship....whenever that happens.

So now I'm sitting here a year later, not really looking forward to tomorrow but at the same time I'm very thankful to be alive and have made it through another year. Death does not discriminate against anyone or anything...not age, race, gender or religious beliefs. It can strike at any time and I would like to try to focus on that and the fact that I'm living and I'm healthy. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day.

Sleeping Beauty

Tonight will be a short blog. The effects of waking up early the past 2 days have caught up to me and I'm wicked tired. I even had a forty five minute nap after work. I feel great during the day and I hope I can stick this out. It's all about the discipline and willpower! I know it sounds weird but I'm trying to look at myself in the mirror more. I'm good at ignoring looking at anything from my neck down and I'm not going to do that anymore.

My eyes are literally closing as I type this so, I'll call this one now. That's a wrap!

Hungry Eyes

Today started out with success and ended up......not so much. I got up to work out this morning. It was hard to get moving and I had conversations with myself, telling myself that it wouldn't hurt if I didn't go this morning, or I could just stay at home and do a work out DVD, but I knew I wouldn't get as good of a work out. So after some strong internal debate I went to the gym. I felt great after and I need to always remember that feeling whenever I start falling out of the habit.

As far as food, I did well all day. Around 2:00 though I got a headache and I felt really hungry. I stuck to my meals and snacks though. Then I got home and things went down hill. I forgot to take chicken out of the freezer and I didn't have anything else to make so I made pasta with meatballs. I ate too much pasta and I had my share of meatballs. Then later this evening I had 4 lemon cookies. Why? I don't know if the carb overload tonight made me crave sugar but I needed some.

So I'm not calling this day a success even though 75% of it was. But I'm not beating myself up either. I feel good having worked out and ate well all day. Tomorrow will be better. I took chicken out and have salad ready to go. My meals and snacks are made for tomorrow so all I have to do is wake up and begin tomorrow like I did today.

In the mean time, I am dog tired and will go to bed early!

Starting Fresh

After taking some pictures of myself yesterday, I realized that I'm not doing my body or health any justice by eating what I want and not working out. You would think that looking in the mirror would tell me that, except I don't look in the mirror except from the neck up. You would think that COMMON SENSE would tell me that, except I'm pretty good at ignoring common sense when I want to. But pictures...you can't hide from them, ignore them and they do not lie. It's time to snap out of this funk. It's time to stop feeding my moods and start feeding my health.

So I'm going to make (another) go of it and get up at 5AM tomorrow morning and work out. I would like to get up every day during the work week and work out because evenings I can find a dozen excuses, including it being too hot, to work out. If I can get it out of the way in the morning, that would be great. I also made my meals for tomorrow which aren't super perfect but I want to stay within a certain amount of calories. This week I'll be eating cereal for breakfast and then I'll have a sandwich cut in half, eating each half as a meal with either carrots or fruit and then a small salad with vinegar during the day. Dinners aren't planned but I'm going to behave. Not *try* to behave, I WILL behave. Enough is enough!

Reap What I Sow

I broke and called Scott. For 7 days I remained strong. I felt good at my peaks, and struggled through the valleys and during all of those times I did not call him. Friday I woke up at my lowest and I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because of the beginning of the weekend. Or maybe the two days off work gave me too much time to think. I called him to apologize for saying that I hated him. I don't like hating anyone, or using the word 'hate'. I did feel it though and I felt bad for saying it. Maybe I'm too nice. He told me he appreciated me saying that. And then he went on to blast me.

He told me I made way too much out of the myspace comment. He's not with his ex and it was just something he left for her. He said she knows the deal and knows they aren't together and that if the roles were reversed he would never flip over something like that. I suppose that's easy for him to say since I was always very respectful of him. I would never do anything like that.

Anyway after he blasted me, he had to get back to work. He ended up calling me later and I realized during that conversation that I'm on my way to getting over him anyway. Every time we have a blow up, it takes a lot out of me, including love I have for him. I still care about him but I don't have that same feeling I once had....and that is good! So I'm in a much better place today.

Today I treated myself to a haircut complete with coloring and highlighting.

You can't really see the highlights in this picture but they are there. Actually a lot was done to get it healthy looking again. I had too many light blonde highlights (a.k.a. bleach) in my hair from several months ago, so she colored me back to my original color and then did some random chunky higlights. She also cut almost 3 inches from my length. Yikes! I like it though, it will be much easier to manage.

Then I got my eyebrows and a pedicure done. I went for a hot pink for summer, with a design on the big toes. I love designs!

$195 later.....I'm feeling good! I did feel guilty about how expensive the hair was, but I desperately needed to get it healthy again. My mom and dad will give me birthday money next week so I'll put that back in the bank and consider this my present to myself.

All in all today was a good day!

Pepe Le Pew

I'm convinced that there is a family of skunks living in my yard. Every day for the last couple of months I've been graced with that wonderful scent of skunk. Occasionally during the day but mostly at night and in the wee hours of the morning. I'm kind of stuck with it too because I have to put a fan in my bedroom to keep it cool and of course that draws the scent in even quicker. I wish they would go tind another place to live, I'm kind of tired of waking up to it! One day I fear that I'll be walking out to my car to go to work and I'll get sprayed. From what I hear, when you get sprayed it stays on you for days unless you bathe in tomato juice. I can't stand either of those scents so I'm sure it would one giant gag fest.

Today was an ok day. I felt good knowing that I got to leave work at 3 to go to a dr. appointment and that I'm off the next two days. I hope I don't fall in to the same routine of hiding out in my room the whole weekend. I know it sounds crazy but sometimes I'm just not motivated to do anything, especially when I'm down and out. It actually takes effort to do something. That's how I feel lately, although I've tried a little bit. I really need to start working out again too. I've completely stopped that and abandoned any good eating habits I had a couple of months ago. I'm a disgusting blob.....you would think that would be enough to get me moving but so far it hasn't. I'm going to try to start up on it again this weekend.

Speaking of "trying"....I kind of hate that word. When I say I'm going to "try" to workout.....what does that mean? I either am or I'm not. What is the trying part? Scott used to always use that word, usually in the phrase "I'll try to call you later" Ummm, ok. Where does the trying part come in? You either call me or you don't. Unless of course you have broken all your fingers and nose and you have to dial with your toes. Then I can understand the use of the word "try" because I imagine that typing with your toes takes a little effort!