Closing the Book

The final chapter in my shitty relationship with Scott (yeah I'm using his real name now) is done and I'm closing the book on it. I've said and thought this too many times but last night was the last straw. The first time he dumped me for someone else devastated me and almost broke me. But for reasons I still don't understand, I stuck around. I believed his lies and I ate up his words and the fact that he didn't want to lose me.

I believed him when he said he didn't love his ex anymore. I believed him when he said he loved me.

So why am I shocked and hurt that once again he showed me and the world his love for her on her myspace page? It sounds so stupid typing it, but it's not stupid to me. It hurt me again. It hurt me even more when I confronted him and he turned it around to something I did wrong. It hurt me that he fluffed it off and said "it's just a myspace comment". It's like deja-vu all over again and this time I'm not sticking around.

I'm down and out, I feel like shit and even cried at my desk at work and in my car at lunch. But this time it will not almost break me. It will be a long hard struggle because when I love, I love hard and I still love the asshole. But I will find a way to survive and come out stronger. I will find a way to eventually stop feeling like I'm not good enough and start feeling like it was HIM that wasn't good enough.

God please forgive me for the hate in my heart.