Committed

I've decided to commit myself (I could end this sentence here, but I won't) to blogging more often, even if it's about nothing. I feel better when I write. I do not, however, put my inner most thoughts on here....not usually anyway. So night after I blogged, I found myself wanting to write in my journal about what I was really thinking. But I was too tired and lazy to do so. I'm not really going to get all in to it, but I will say that for reasons I have no clue about, I still love the guy that broke my heart last year. We never stopped talking and for a long time I was able to bury those feelings for the most part. But recently they've resurfaced. I woke up this morning though, scared to death that he was going to hurt me like that again. Obviously no matter what happens, I will remain among the living and life will have to go on. But those were some of the darkest days of my life and I do not ever want to visit those feelings again. Still I can't shake the worry that has welled up inside of me.

Someone reading this may ask why then don't I just give him up if I have that much of a fear that he will hurt me? Well to be honest, I don't know how to give up on someone that I have so much feeling for, just based on a "what if". I don't want to regret anything later. So here I am, hoping and wishing for the best.