Supporting a Friend

I was recently faced with a predicament that I wasn't sure what I should do about. A friend of mine is married and based on what I know, I don't like the way her husband treats her at all. She puts up with emotional and verbal abuse, his laziness and refusal to get a job, she shoulders all of the bills and any left over spending money while he comes up with reasons and excuses not to work, there's a big possibility of him cheating, he lacks comprehension about how serious the situation is, and is just downright disrespecting my friend. I try not go judge this person because I'm no saint and I don't know what goes on in the minds of others. Some of the things I can understand, having seen people lose their jobs and have a tough time getting motivated to back to work again. Other things I don't understand, like emotionally wearing down the one person that puts a roof over your head and food in your mouth. Every time I hear of something else he's said or done, another part of me dislikes him.

When she invited me to his birthday BBQ that was scheduled today, I originally said yes. But the more stories I hear on a daily basis, the more I started thinking....why do I want to go and celebrate HIM? So he turned another year older....big deal. He advanced in age and went backwards in maturity. Big flipping deal! I told my friend last week that I didn't feel like celebrating him and she told me I should look at it like a chance to hang out with her. Which is true.

But I couldn't bring myself to go. Especially knowing that he invited two of the ho's that he may have cheated with. I think I disappointed my friend though, I know she wanted me there. And late last week I revealed my feelings to her that I was probably not attending based on how he treats her, which I think in turn made her not want to confide in me much about it anymore. She said she didn't want to put anymore negative thoughts about him in my head. I assured her that was not the case, I am simply reacting to the things she's telling me. So I don't think she'll be talking to me about him very much anymore.

How do I feel about that? I think she's missing the point. She condones his behavior so it's partly her fault and then makes excuses for it and states that he claims he's going to change and things will get better - which they never.

So I struggle with the idea of supporting her in these type of situations, or being honest with her about not wanting to be around him. I'm a pretty firm believer in honestly so I hope that she can see that my support comes in a different shape, but I am there for her regardless.