I started writing a post about what's going on in my head but I ended up erasing it because it's a new year and it's time to stop looking at the negative and focus on the positive. So what I will say is that I really need to find a way to stop looking for answers that I really don't want to begin with. I'm the type of person that I always want to know what's going on and sometimes I *think* I know but really I don't. This past year I've become a negative thinker too. I always assume the worst because that's what I have been used to getting.
My friend (I'll call him S)....calls me Doubting Thomas sometimes. I laugh, but it's true. But how is one supposed to feel when they are constantly getting disappointed and hurt? Obviously I'm talking about relationships and I am always used to being the one that gets hurt. It wasn't supposed to be that way with S though. It was supposed to be something healthy, real and good. And it was for a while. But in the end he ended up hurting me too. So that's why I am negative. But that's also what I would like to try to change this year. Because who would really be attracted to someone negative? If what I'm wanting more than anything is love, I need to change some things about myself so I can love myself first. That is what I'm going to try to do anyway.
Today I had a very relaxing day. I am almost afraid to say it was boring at times. I don't want to call it boring because I do love not being at work and having no commitments that will take me out of my house. (I'm a home body!) I suppose I could have taken down my tree but I didn't feel like doing that either. So I got my son and I breakfast this morning, then I came home and watched my Netflix movie "Bring it On: In it to Win" or something like that. To be honest, I haven't looked at my queue lately and so I didn't realize that was coming up. I made my queue months ago and put that one on there because the star, Ashley Benson, used to be on my favorite soap opera "Days of Our Lives". Anyway it was ok....typical of the other movies. Probably loved by tweens all across America. LOL
After that I took a two hour nap and that brought me to 5:00. Since then I've watched Biggest Loser re-runs and got McDonalds for dinner. Speaking of which......I have to stop this gorge fest. Actually I'm not gorging, I'm just eating all the wrong foods on purpose. I don't know if I'm sabotaging myself because of the holidays or if I'm just gearing up to start dieting on Monday. Excuses, excuses. Why wait until Monday? I don't know.....I know I'm ready to lose weight. I have to. So I shouldn't wait. Maybe tomorrow I'll hit the gym.
Well that's about it for now. Nothing exciting today. Tomorrow I have to drop off my rent check (yipee) and do my bills. I also have a target gift card that I got for Christmas so I think I'll go spend that. I may take my son to lunch, using another gift card to a local restaurant although after looking at their menu online, I think their food might be a little too fancy for his taste. So we'll see.
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