A New Week...A New Start

What a boring title! I can’t think of anything clever or witty to write but I won’t beat myself up because it IS Monday morning. My weekend was great, although I didn’t see a single friend except for after work on Friday. I pretty much stuck close to the house. Friday after work I went to work out with my friend A. We focused on just cardio, so we did 40 minutes on the elliptical. We did the machine that I feel is harder for me, and I did the fat burning workout which was killer. It was great! After that I came home and took a shower and then finished up my homework that was due this week for my visual basic class. I like that class and my homework will go much quicker when I am more familiar with the program.

Saturday I didn’t do all that much but watch some shows that I taped. I also watched the movie “The Color Purple”. I have to read the book for another class I have, and although I’m reading the book right now, I like to see what the differences are between the book and the movie. I’m ashamed to admit that I never saw the movie before, even though it won all sorts of awards.

I was getting ready to go to sleep Saturday night around 1AM and I was getting ready for bed, when suddenly my phone rang. It was S. Honestly I was surprised he was calling me because he was out of town for a funeral, and I assumed he was spending the weekend there. But he had informed me that had arrived back in town an hour earlier. We talked for a while about some of his family that he hadn’t seen in a while. He talked about some childhood memories also, it was a good conversation.

Then he asked me if I talked to my “boyfriend”. I have to chuckle about that because I think it’s kind of cute that he gets jealous although I think it is only because he is having problems with his girlfriend, if they are even still together. I’m not sure about that. Anyway he asked me if I told my friend about him. I asked him what he meant. He said “well, did you tell him that I’m in love with you but I just don’t want to tell you?” I was stunned, but I recovered quickly. I said “No, I told him that you and I had a thing going but that ended when you went out and got yourself a girlfriend.” (Go me!) His comment was not lost on me though, even though I did not pay any attention to it. He’s done this stuff before. He thinks he’s losing me to someone else, and so he says what he has to say to keep me around. Do I think he’s in love with me? No. He told me he wasn’t a couple days after Christmas when I asked him if he was in love with me and his girlfriend. Do I think he has feelings for me? A little bit. I think he takes comfort in the fact that I am always here when he needs me, thinking the world of him and making him feel like the greatest man ever. But I do not think he’s in love with me, so I do not delude myself. It is nice to hear though. Then he went ahead and called me his baby and staking his claim on me telling me that nobody else can have me, we are joined at the hip, etc. Like I said it’s nice to hear, but I don’t particularly like being second choice. So if he and his girl are broken up, that’s all I am. I think deep down he knows what a great catch I am and he doesn’t want to lose that when his future is so uncertain.

Anyway enough of that. I did not work out Saturday or Sunday. I guess I was kind of “gearing up” for starting my diet this week, although that’s a lame excuse and I use that excuse every week. But I feel like this time is different. My knees hurt. I look terrible, I feel terrible. I want to lose this weight and I know I can do it…I’ve done it before. I really think if I just stick to my plan, I can do this. All I need to do is lose about 20 lbs to kick start it and that will give me even more motivation to keep going! I may post some “before” photos but I’m not sure yet. Oh and I won’t post my weight either until I’m comfortable with how much I’ve lost. Hey, some things have to remain sacred.