Maybe I Was Hasty...

It wouldn't be the first time that I was hasty or made a rash judgement, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I laugh now about my "Bachelor" post the other night because I was so passionate about it, like I was the one that Jason broke up with on National television. LOL Hey what can I say, I love my shows...they are my entertainment. I'm also a pro at getting my heart broken, so I know what Melissa was going through.

But later on that night, I watched Jason's interview with Jimmy Kimmel and at first it was him saying the same old stuff. "I had to follow my heart" "I had to do what was right for me" "Melissa is a perfect girl, I hated hurting her". Blah, blah, blah. I didn't care about any of those things. I wanted to know WHY he did it in public. Finally Jimmy Kimmel asked that question. Why did you do it on national television? Jason's response was "I had to". While he didn't come right out and say that ABC made him do it, he did say that his relationships with all of the women were on television, and he had to do what he did on TV. So, I don't know if the whole thing was staged and he was never really going to be with Melissa, or if the producers of the show told Jason to break up with her on TV when they heard things going well. Either way I can understand better now and my anger (LOL) shouldn't be at Jason, it should be at the producers of the show. Talk about steeping to low levels just for ratings!! I don't know if I will watch the show anymore. Sure, I like drama......but if it's all a set up, what's the point of watching?

Anyway, enough of that rubbish. I was going to write more about what was going on in my life with McS, as things took a turn for the worst but I'm not going to go into. I'm dumb for trying to be friends with him after he broke my heart. I'm dumb for knowing he's selfish and accepting it. And now I have ruined things by being psycho to him and he isn't speaking to me and probably never will again. It hurts so much right now. I got drunk last night by myself. It made me feel relaxed, except I think I had one beer too many because I felt a tiny bit hungover. Tonight I will have one less. I don't know how people get drunk night after night, I don't think I could handle it. But I could really see how someone could become an alcoholic though. It makes pain more tolerable.

In the long run this is probably for the best. I just wish the "long run" would get here quick.

I'm so glad that I have tomorrow off and am leaving early today!! That does bring me happiness. I'm supposed to meet up with two friends I haven't seen in ages tomorrow. I hope I feel up for going. I've cancelled way too many times because of whatever was going on in my life at the time.

I know I need to make some changes and get myself together. It's taking the first step that is the hard part.