"Me" Overhaul

I've done a lot of self-reflecting lately due to some things that have been going on in my life. I've pondered why I put myself in situations that aren't good for me, and why I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. I've come to the conclusion that I need to make some changes within myself in order to not only be happy and healthy, but also to get the things I want in life.

I've known for a long, long time that I have a low self esteem. Somewhere along the line I convinced myself that I am not good enough for any guy. Through that, I have managed to settle for far less than I deserve and have thought it was ok because at least I was getting a little bit of what I wanted.

But it's not ok. I deserve to love myself. I deserve to feel good about myself and to feel worthy of any man. I deserve to feel confident and to be treated right. I deserve to tell myself when something isn't good enough for me. I deserve to have someone give their all to me for a change. But I can't get any of those things unless I work on myself first.

So last night I developed a check list of things I need to do for myself to start to feel better. It's not necessarily in order except for the first one.

1. Diet/exercise - Work out at least 5 days/week. Stop obsessing about eating right and just eat what I know I should be eating. Don't eat for taste, eat to live.

2. Be positive - I tend to think negatively about a lot of things because it keeps me from being disappointed.

3. Stop agonizing over the things I cannot change/Let go of the past. Also included with this is to stop being the "victim" and crying about how I've been "wronged" in my past relationships. Bad things can happen to good people, time to get over it and learn from my mistakes!

4. Stop looking for trouble - when I'm in a relationship I tend to start looking for things to be wrong because that is all I have been used to. I need to stop doing that and live in the moment.

5. Give myself things to look forward to - big or small....movies, shopping trips, vacations, etc.

6. Start getting out more - with friends and by myself. It doesn't necessarily need to be a bar, just to be out doing things I like to do.

7. Pamper myself to feel pretty - hair, mani/pedi and maybe even treat myself to a massage sometimes. Spend the extra money on the good makeup and other things that make me feel good.

8. Be more outgoing - Only people close to me know the real me. When I'm around people I don't know, I tend to be more of a chill person and I like to listen and observe rather than talk. I need to talk more and show people my true personality.

9. Start realizing that I don't have to settle, I deserve to be treated right! I need to stop allowing myself to be in situations that I know aren't good for me.

10. Stop being so available. Whenever I'm in a relationship or being pursued by a guy I'm always available. I never thought it to be a problem because I like to talk to and spend time with the person I'm seeing. But I don't always have to be around. I don't always have to pick up the phone whenever they call. I hear all the time that guys like a challenge and I need to be confident enough to know that if I'm not around, they won't just move on to the next person.

11. Filter how much I give of myself. I tend to go all out in my relationships right away and I think that most guys end up taking me for granted, even if they don't mean to. I fall too quickly and a relationship works best when both parties are on the same page.

12. Church - it might sound crazy but I think somehow my life will be better if I focus a little more on my relationship with God. I won't promise myself to go to church every Sunday but I would like to start praying more and not just for selfish things. I also would like to start reading the bible. I've set a goal to read the bible I have at home now from cover to cover. Then maybe when I'm done with that, I would like to get another version.

So that's what I have come up with so far. I really want to do this for myself so I can live a better life.