I was sitting here earlier thinking earlier what is the point of me even doing this blog when I don't share what's really going on with my life? If I'm doing this for the public...which nobody reads this now anyway....then I feel like I'm ripping them off. If I do this for myself for future reference or memoirs, then I'm ripping myself off. Do I write everything here, or do I continue to share cryptic thoughts?
I don't really know the answer to that question now. I feel like I want to write everything, but sometimes I don't want to hash it out and relive it. To me writing a blog about flowers and rainbows when I'm feeling low is fake bullshit.
That being said, I'm having a shitty day which will probably lead in to more shitty days. The most major dilemma in my life has to do with a boy, of course. A boy (man) that I've loved for almost 3 years. A boy that has done nothing to deserve me but who I keep giving chances to but my chances have run out. I need to be strong and stay away. I need to mourn and move on because I can't keep giving myself to someone that has nothing to give back. Why do I love someone that doesn't have love to give? I don't know. But I feel like crap and the ending. I feel like crap thinking that I may get so weak and allow myself fall back into the same toxic vicious circle of emotions and disappointment.
There, I did it.
On another note, I'm watching "Bethenny Getting Married?" and I have to say she's hilarious. The line of the entire show so far has to do with her assistant picking out her outfit for her getaway weekend, including the bra and underwear. He finds the pair of underwear in her drawer that she requested it, and pulled it out with two fingers, as though were contaminated with disease and germs. She says "You can pick them up, my vagina's not still in them. They're clean." She said it with a straight face too. She rocks.
Fitness and Diet? Not so much today.
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