What the Shell?

I was sitting here tonight and something occurred to me. I live an empty shell of a life. I don't do anything exciting or interesting during any given week. I do the same thing over and over, day after day. I get up, go to work, work out (if I am motivated enough), come home to be a mother and putter around the house, play games on the computer and go to bed. When school is in session, I do homework. That's pretty much it. I've kind of lost touch with a couple of friends that I used to communicate with and hang out with a lot, so I really don't get a lot of phone calls either. I sit back and wonder how did it get like this? How did I let it get like this?

I want to do interesting and fun things. I just don't know what yet. I want to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. I want to keep myself busy in order to keep my mind busy. Because when my mind isn't busy, it tends to stress me out thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about.

I don't know what I last blogged about concerning Scott, but we aren't talking....again. I pissed him off, he pissed me off and then I said mean things. And maybe only 5 of me is sorry. The rest of me isn't. I'm tired of being treated like I'm a piece of shit. I'm here whenever it's convenient for him and I know I'm not perfect, but I deserve more than that in life. As a result of that last argument, we haven't spoken in a couple days. But even before that we hadn't really talked in 4 days. I sit here and wonder why I am not worth the fight to him. And folks, that is why I need to keep my mind busy. I need to worry about myself, not him or what he's feeling. It should be all about me since the first 3 years were all about him and that didn't work out too well.

It sucks when you know something is best for you, but you still feel sad. Blah.

Diet/Exercise? Non-exisistant. Blah again.