What does it mean?

I had a nap earlier and I had a dream about an ex. This was a guy that I worked with and I had a brief relationship with but a longer friendship with when I was in CA. He was separated at the time but eventually he went back to his wife and left me devastated. I tried to stay friends with him (I guess that's my MO) and we worked together, it was so hard. His wife knew that he was seeing me when they were separated and was not happy about it. She even tracked my home phone number down and made numerous calls to my house. Anyway on New Years Eve I was trashed and got home to find an email from her. I don't remember what it said now, but I remember that it was so hurtful that I decided right then and there to move back to NY. A month later, I was gone. Devastated to be away from him, he had become very close to me, and I left him devastated too. He snuck calls to me, cried to me that he loved me....it was hard. Then one day he wrote me another email telling me that he could no longer be my friend. His wife would not allow it. It hurt so bad and was frustrating because I didn't have a choice but to accept it.

Anyway back to the dream. It was quick but somehow he ended up living in my area and we met up one day. We were sitting and talking and my friend who was with us asked where he was wife was. He got emotional and told me that decided to take classes somewhere else and left him. I remember in my dream feeling awkward that happened, and wondered if he thought that I would try to be with him again. Then I woke up.

I wonder why I dreamed that? Maybe because he cut me off completely and that's what I'm doing? Or maybe because that's the last time I felt completely helpless and brokenhearted. The other two relationships I was in after him and before McS, they didn't end because of another woman. So maybe I'm associating the pain of the end of that relationship with this one. I don't know, it was really weird. I feel weird today. I know my life isn't over it just feels dead right now. I cry and cry. I feel like even though the beginning of all this mess was over 6 months ago, the wounds have been reopened and are fresh. I wish I would have walked away a long time ago. Now I'm left to think that he's going to live happily ever after. Not that I want misery for him but it hurts to think that nothing will change for him because he has love. I don't.